Dear Michael Barr,
As you know, we recently stole you from your ancestral homeland of Minnesota and threw you into the chaos of our baby company, Freaker USA. We know how tough moves can be and want to do everything in our power to make you feel welcome and appreciated at your new job with us. You are an amazing coworker, dog lover, and Diet Coke enthusiast. Your passionate hatred of Diet Pepsi has inspired a new sense of justice within every one of our cold bitter hearts and we want to thank you for that revival of spirit.
Some feelings can't be articulated with mere words, so here is our newest art installation dedicated to you, Michael Barr.
Welcome to the family.