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Because... For Freedom!

The office is currently embroiled in a bitter debate about the renaming of what is now known as "America the Freaker." Half of the office wants to keep the name as it is now, and the other half wants to re-name our American flag "Din Viesel," because.... for freedom. 

(But mostly for the last scene in the ultimate-cheese-action-movie-of-a-generation named xXx in which Vin Diesel saves the world from Russian anarcho-terrorists by catapulting himself from racing muscle-car onto a nuclear-armed submarine ... with an American flag parachute. Don't believe me? BAM:

That movie is actually an accurate & realistic account of "The Redemption of Humanity," and I personally think re-naming the American Flag Freaker to recognize this brave historical event is honorable ...but whatever, I'm not mad. 

This internal office bickering only exists because we love America more than we love "being decent." So now we are going to focus on how much America-love happened yesterday on America-birthday, because.... for freedom!

Like any good beginning to an Independence Day celebration, we put on our "Hey man, you know that's actually not America but Texas, or Puerto Rico, or Chile...right?" shorts. 

In the case that Zach's shorts confused anybody, Lauren and Leigh were readily prepared with a plethora of flags, Freakers, and "The Declaration of Independence" scarves. Sorry, Chile, this one's not for you. 

We then came across this odd creature who was burrowing in the sand, searching for broken seashells so that he could be "a man with a melon." This caveman was also a gentleman, and offered to share the fruits of his labors, after screaming something about "WILSONNNNN!!" It was odd, but whatever, this is America. 

The daylight ended with puppies, naps, and also this: 

HAPPY AMERICA, EVERYONE! (Because ....for everything. Especially for freedom.) 


July 05, 2012 by Freaker USA

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