Posted by Freaker USA on January 19, 2012
We would like to make a public announcement and also a "most-wanted" list.
Somebody out there (maybe it's you?! is it?! is it you?!) has been submitting the email address oliver@freakerusa.com to internet depths such as the Kellogs.com mailing list. No, we are not mad. We are actually quite impressed. But not everyone is so smirky and we are here to warn you: someday you could get punched in the glasses. Some people really hate cereal.
Ok, enough with the somber stern face! Let's revel in how absurd our collective inbox has been recently!
Look at how sincere she looks! Is this woman and her fabulous-hoop-earrings the personal tarot reader or is she the satisfied customer?! We haven't been able to fully rest because of this unsolvable mystery! If anybody has further information on "Trust-Your-Tarot-Reading" we would be forever obliged to you!
This is our personal favorite! Every week, it's the perfect time of year! We can't even bring ourselves to unsubscribe. A tainted but sincere "thank you" to whoever you are that's been signing us up for this in that cold dark world out there!
And I would also like to reiterate that by signing up oliver, you have signed up the entire Freakerteam. We are forever indebted to you!!
Stay classy, Planet Earf!!!
Posted by Freaker USA on January 16, 2012
For the past week, we've been freaking Atlanta at a trade show. These things are massive. These things are serious. These things are alot of stern faces and financial talking-abouts. Obviously, these things are alot of things that we are not necessarily good at.
However...
Freakers & this tradeshow are having a pretty intense love affair.
We got a trophy for a contest we didn't know existed! Best booth on floor?! Hurrah!
Saucypants!
Our little Freakerfriends have been launching off into all corners of the country! Yesterday, we freaked a hospital in Montana! Weee!!
Holy hot mess - look at all the peoples! (Yes! It's true! Despite what it may look like, those are all people!)
And to keep up the freak demand, we've been caffeinating ourselves into space!
Booooosy busy bizee!!
Stay Classy, Planet Earf!! Stay Champions, Hotlanta!
Posted by Freaker USA on January 15, 2012
We've been playing a sick joke.
In recent days, Leigh has been dressing up like Lauren.
(This isn't hard to do. All you need is black lace, caffeine, & a mischievous smirk. Oh, and an anti-hairbrush.)
We've been convincing everyone at the tradeshow that the L's have been switched!
Why yes, that IS me, Leigh, in that giant photo! And yes! I AM the one shirtless with a beard.
(Photo by the Warrior of Magnificent, Eric T. White)
#Believability #EndlessChildhood
Posted by Freaker USA on January 15, 2012
Universal Resource Locators... In Real Life!
The internet is a no-man's land? Hardly. There are kind kings & bourgeois bosses & the lovely ladies of the lan (Ahaha!)
Yesterday, we got the honor and the pleasure of meeting, greeting & freaking 3 of the internet's superstars!
From left to right:
AlishaFreak!
Lauren Freak!
Christiane Lemieux, founder of Dwell Studio
Maxwell Gillingham-Ryan, founder of Apartment Therapy
Heather Clawson, founder of Habitually Chic
JustinFreak!
I never knew that official style-stamps of approval existed. It has been confirmed: They exist. Freakers have been Aproofed & Approved by the most stylin' of the stylists!
If anybody ever catches sight of these magic-makers, please give them an enthusiastic highfive and a bearhug. Day? Complete!
Hurrah!!
#FreakingTheWorldFreakingTheNet
Posted by Freaker USA on January 14, 2012
The other day when we revealed the big-secret shocker-moment season-finale that Zach got a Haircut, you may have thought we were joking. (We were joking, because Zach is not actually Daniel Faraday, but alas, we were not joking about the seriousness of scissors.)
Ladies and Gents, after two years of no trims, this happened:
The result is a dapper young fellow with an air of professionalism.
But do not fear, dear! Some of you may call him derogatory terms such as "Square," but please understand that his flowing mane of lust has found a comfortable home in the hotel's trash can. It is happy there.
If you love something, let it free. Free to roam the sewers of Atlanta.
Zach still is as freaky as ever and a nice, clean haircut does not change the composition of his wild soul!
Also, he also got a tan.
Hope you like the new look. Everything we do, we do it for you.
Posted by Freaker USA on January 11, 2012
Yesterday, we drove to Atlanta for the International Gift Show that's going to launch Freakers into outerspace (that's just how international it is!)
Zach and Oliver drove in the boxtruck, like manly men do. Lauren and Leigh were shockingly (AHAHA!) tardy and left a couple hours later in a Prius, like little ladies do. Therefore, TeamFreaker was left victim to the consequences of vicious gender wars.
It wasn't 3pm before Zach (and the other manly man, Oliver, in the manly boxtruck!) was pulled over by stern authorities for assumable drunk driving. (Please note: Zach had not been drinking. He made one happy-swerve because he was so dang happy. That is all.)
The officer was relatively nice and let the manly men carry on with their journey. But then the plot thickens..
As any good friend would do, the boys called the girls and told them that they had been pulled over by a state trooper that was currently threatening horrible things. This was only a half-lie. And as all boys know, girls don't get charged with petty crimes (like happy-swerves) because they possess a powerful weapon in the struggle with authorities: Lumpy chests!
Pleadingly, the boys asked the girls if they could send the police officer (who was now long-gone) photos of the only objects that could save the day. Lumpy chests!
The ladies were in the throes of confusion! Were they to devalue their own bodies in order to rescue their buddies from the big-bad-police-wolf?!
A decision had to be made. Conclusion? Friends are more important than dignity.
The ladies were satisfied in thinking that their "photo-shopped" cop-placaters saved their friends some time in the daunting tale of South Carolina law enforcement. Little did they know...
The story does end here. The lies deepen, the speed limits increase, and the fiberglass dinosaurs make their grand entrance (true story!)
To be continued.....
Posted by Freaker USA on January 09, 2012
Election season is breaking the horizon. We've all been here before and know that there are a couple popular sentiments that sweep the nation every 4 years:
1. "Hey guys, stop being jerks! Can't we all get along?!"
2. "My guy just got elected! Peace and happiness is here!" followed by kartwheels of bliss and euphoria.
3. "....I'm moving to Canada."
As usual, it's going to be a wild ride, but we wanted to remind you that no matter who is in political office.....
You are America!
Wear it with pride, freakpeach! You are perfect!
Posted by Freaker USA on January 05, 2012
Oliver came back to Wilmington today!!
We knew when we smelled a Sneaky Hat (not to be confused with The Sneaky Hat) lurking around the corner.
He brought us goodies!! His MamaBear sowed us a life sized Freaker! Fun for hours!
Oliver! We're so happy to have you back! How could we have ever survived without you?!
And while we were rejoicing at his return, Oliver dropped some pretty heavy news on us. As it turns out, he had never actually left. His adventure storytimes of Washington, San Francisco & New York were all imaginative fabrications! His truthful whereabouts are as follows: Oliver had been hiding in our filing cabinets for the past month, eating our scraps and spying on our office antics.
What a filthy varmit! But he's our filthy varmit. And we love him.
