I read the Constitution for the articles.
-One Size Fits All! Sippy cup? Yep. Water bottle? Yep. 40 oz? Yep. MOST PERFECT GIFT EVER? Yep.
-Made in North Carolina!! *somebody inevitably sings Wagon Wheel in the distance*
-Insulates!! (I know, I know, big words. Here: It keeps all your drinks cold!)
-Machine Washable! Throw that sucker in with a regular load of laundry for a pick-me-up.
-American jobs thank you kindly for your support!