Blog!

We're in Vegas (again.) for a tradeshow (again.), so our Cinco De Mayo celebrations are being lived vicariously though... well... this 80s commercial we found that has nothing to do with Cinco De Mayo. If anybody has any information on how and/or why this exists, please report to support@freakerusa.com. Anything. Anything will help. Please help.   

Once upon a time (yesterday) we screamed from the mountains that the 17th (yesterday) was the last day for guaranteed Christmas deliveries via the normal USPS shipping option! Did you miss it? Are you in the throes of shipping devastation? Don't worry! Priority 2-day mail still exists! You still have time! There is hope yet!  We love you. We believe in you. We want to wrap you up and put you in a tiny ribboned box because you're the greatest gift to planet Earth. Merry freakin' Christmas, y'all.

DID YOU KNOW that there are only two weeks left until Christmas? Have you forgotten about Uncle Rick's new wife? About that one co-worker who's name is just so damn hard to remember? Have you realized yet that you can take care of everybody on your list with fell big swoop?! That there is a Freaker design for every person you could possibly imagine?! FACT: Freakers are the easiest gift known to mankind. Now sit back and relax - Christmas is served.

How is your Wednesday going? Bleak? Desolate? Full of despair and longing? Yep, classic case of the Wednesdays. Lucky for you, I'm a doctor. I hereby prescribe you glitter. We got new yarns! They are metallic! And everything was right in the world! BAAHHH-LINGGG!!!! Ladies and Gentlement, please give a warm welcome to the newest member of the Freaker Family... TWINKLE TOES!

I'm going to tell you a fairy tale: Once upon a time it was Black Friday, and for every two Freakers you bought, you got an extra Mystery Freaker for free! In this utopian dream, the fine folks at Freaker USA did not bug you enough. So when Cyber Monday came around, they yelled again and upped the deal even further. For every ONE Freaker you bought, you got a FREE Mystery Freaker! Worlds collided, minds exploded, and they all lived happily ever after. Of course it's only a fairy tale because we totally did bug the $#%@ out of you all weekend. One more time though, for the win. CYBER MONDAY: FOR EVERY FREAKER YOU BUY, WE'RE THROWING IN A FREE MYSTERY FREAKER!! Love you. Mic drop.

It’s here. I don’t even have to tell you what. Everyone waits. Everyone knows. Let’s get to it: STARTING NOW: For every 2 Freakers you buy, we’re throwing in an extra mystery Freaker. Buy two get one. Buy ten get five. Buy a twelve million get six million. For free. It’s madness. It’s chaos. It’s Black Friday. Let’s party. (Fun-town details: We’ll be packing in your extra Freakers manually, so don’t be rattled when your order confirmation doesn’t mention them. You don’t get to choose your mystery Freakers, but we promise to give you a good assortment. Everything is awesome, now go spend all of your money.)

As you undoubtably realize by now, “Buy-All-The-Stuff Friday” has somehow turned into “Buy-All-The-Stuff Week.” We’re not going to follow the week-long sale-kick, but we will start a day early as a compromise. When you get sick of your extended family, pour yourself a whiskey and retreat to online Freaker-shopping on Thursday at noon for our Black Friday extravaganza! Gobble wobble, y’all.

Remember all those holidays where your great-aunts, coworkers, and estranged lovers alike all tried to pass off fruitcake as a thoughtful gift? THEY FAILED and you know it. They know it. Everyone knows how hard they failed at being thoughtful. So this year, we want to give you ammunition to fight back on their supposed consideration with a Fruitcake all of your own. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome the newest design to the Freaker Family… Fruitcake! You win. You’re welcome.  

For most critters, winter is the season for hibernation. There is one beast that functions on the opposite schedule. He finally woke up this morning and is ready for a feast. That's right, folks - Santa is back to terrorize your cookie stash. It is widely recommended that you hand over the goods peacefully. He's been known to kiss your mom or run over your grandma as battle tactics. Give 'em what he wants or he'll take what he can get. And he wants you. He wants you now. So give a warm welcome-back to Cookie Monster!

On a summer day in 1996, the world changed forever. Independence took a new meaning and the freedom to life, liberty and happiness were firmly realized after a devastating war that ravaged our land and peoples. American men and women restored dignity in the face of ruthless invasion and then Will Smith used a Macbook to destroy big jerk aliens. On the anniversary of Independence Day, we as a people come together and celebrate our humanity and all of the liberties that it entails! That's why for every 3 Freakers you buy, we'll throw in a free Hawt Dawg design for free! Welcome to earth, freaklings. (Also! Our DONUT-Do-That contest is still running strong! Send us a picture of what you think Pete is yelling at and we'll include it in our special Facebook Giveaway album! The photo(s?) with the most likes wins all 8 new Freaker designs before they're officially released!! GO TEAM!)

In less than three weeks, we will all be gathering together to celebrate one of life's greatest beauties: Your Mom. Mother's Day is sneaking up on you fast, and if biology is any indicator, your mother loves to get freaked. From now until Mother's Day, use this code to receive 20% off your entire order: YoMama   OKAY LOVE YOU (and your mom. Mostly your mom.) BYE!!!

It's that time (one of many, evidently) of year where chocolate and bunnies run rampant. Here are some budgeting tips from yours truly: 1. Instead of marshmellow chickens, you should buy Freakers for the curious kiddies because knit bottle insulators don't give you cavities! Less trips to the dentist office = more love from your children. … We only had one tip. *Mic Drop* And now for the winners of last week's Freaker Friday: