Blog!

Just now, in this moment, we decided to form a new club. You and you and you and you and your weirdy cousin are invited. It's going to be called the Joy Scouts Freaker Club and I promise you won't get horribly hazed. All you have to do to join the greatest newest not-secret club that was just formed is sign up for our newsletter! (Is this hazing yet?) Oh! You get a special token when you join the Joy Scouts, just like all the other clubs. It's called a Freaker. You'll like it. What's that? Don't talk back.  Even though we're inviting everybody in the world, to fit in the definition of a "club," it must have at least one exclusive thing about it. Maybe a time stamp. Okay! Good talk! Here's the plan, clubscouts: From now until Friday afternoon, if you sign up for our newsletter, you'll get a super secret code for a Free Freaker!  Limited time only! (That's what clubs do, right?) Use it before you lose it, Buster. **US only. Sorry, Charlie. OKAY LOVE YOU BYE!  -The Freakerteam (P.S. If you're reading this after the super exclusive club time stamp that we just made up - we still have good news for you. We do a collaborative giveaway with really amazing companies EVERY FRIDAY! Yes! It's such a true story! And we announce them in our newsletters! Go, go - you're time is now.) 

Did you accidentally wear white pants today? Were you that guy? With the passing of Labor Day and summer at a near end, your mistake is somehow unjustifiable. Everybody has a bad day, and we're here to make yours better. Hold on to those long lost summer glory days (of last week) by putting your drinks in suggestive swimwear! For one week only - we'll be throwing in a free Babewatch for every 3 Freakers you buy! That's in addition to our Freaker Sports Bottle Special! So if you order 6 of your favorite styles, you get 2 free Babewatches and a free water bottle! SUMMER LIVES ON, MANG!

Every now and then, something terrible happens. The internet goes down. When we first moved into our new office space yesterday, there were no little wifi-particles floating around, and a plague of icky swept over the office. Sure we have things like 'pens', and 'stamps', and 'a fax machine'. But we also have a dinosaur. Anyways, the internet is back up and we are celebrating! To help celebrate the fact that wireless internet exists, and our move is finished, we want to offer you some super special deals! From now untilFriday, Lil' Ben and Volitron are only 8 buckaroos! Call it a moving sale, or don't. We don't care.

On a summer day in 1996, the world changed forever. Independence took a new meaning and the freedom to life, liberty and happiness were firmly realized after a devastating war that ravaged our land and peoples. American men and women restored dignity in the face of ruthless invasion and then Will Smith used a Macbook to destroy big jerk aliens. On the anniversary of Independence Day, we as a people come together and celebrate our humanity and all of the liberties that it entails! That's why for every 3 Freakers you buy, we'll throw in a free Hawt Dawg design for free! Welcome to earth, freaklings. (Also! Our DONUT-Do-That contest is still running strong! Send us a picture of what you think Pete is yelling at and we'll include it in our special Facebook Giveaway album! The photo(s?) with the most likes wins all 8 new Freaker designs before they're officially released!! GO TEAM!)

Hey! You! Remember that time you were conceived? Me too. Of course your mother played "kangaroo" with you for a couple months, and she's made sure that you'll never forget that fact - but there was another party involved in the whole "making you" process. This Sunday, it's your duty to thank your dad for that. Is there a better way to say "thank you for freaking, Dad" than freaking your Dad? We thinks not. Daddy Day Freaker Sale! From now until the 16th, save $2 on select styles for the pops!

Last year, you gave your Dad a tie for Father's Day. He spent the rest of the night in the garage with a bottle of Jack Daniels drawing up blueprints for a hand-carved canoe. Haven't you already disappointed your Father enough? You still may not know the difference between regular fuel and diesel, but at least you can get your Dad something he will use this year! To thank the Big Papas of the world, Heeltar, Lil' Ben, Draper, and Yonderdown are $2 off from today through the 16th!

Do you hate Mondays? Is that your gig? Hating Mondays? That's silly because Mondays love you. Especially next Monday when you will be soaking rays of sunlight, smells of BBQ, and the sweet sweet taste of bald-eagle freedom. Bikinis, camos, and 'MERICA want to celebrate Memorial Day, so from now until May 27th. save $2 per selected style!! (Okay, also, Fast & Furious 6 is coming out on Memorial Day and you know who is in that? Vin Diesel is. Do you know what else Vin Diesel was in? Saving Private Freakin' Ryan. GO TEAM!)

In less than three weeks, we will all be gathering together to celebrate one of life's greatest beauties: Your Mom. Mother's Day is sneaking up on you fast, and if biology is any indicator, your mother loves to get freaked. From now until Mother's Day, use this code to receive 20% off your entire order: YoMama   OKAY LOVE YOU (and your mom. Mostly your mom.) BYE!!!

Bonjour, western world that's not America! Have you been in desperate need of a good Freaking lately, but shipping costs have got you down? Well, we've got the best breaking news of your day.  Freakers are on Fab Europe right now!! The flash sale site gives us only a couple context clues that they are European, such as: -"TEPID COLA." -"COSIES." That's about it. All other linguistic clues lead us mysteriously to the Jersey Shore.

Ribbons have been cut, ceremonies have been grand. Today was the day that we unveiled the brand spankin' new line of Freakers! Here's some tips for you, in case you're wading in the swamps of order-confusion!: From now until Monday:  Sign up for our newsletter & you'll receive a Free Meta Freaker with any purchase!  Buy 6 or more Freakers & we'll throw in a Free Cuppow! Because... why not? It's Thursday! Let's wallow in it!

We're in the smile business and feeling a little frisky, so on every order (yep! every order!) we'll be throwing in a free holiday Freaker!* Spread that cheer, dear! Also, there are 24 hours left to order until the post office stops promising to get your care-packages to you before Christmas! Tomorrow at noon, little birds! *(While supplies last! Whoopi!)

Black Freakday: For every 6 Freakers you buy, you'll get all 3 holiday designs for free! I get it. You just waited in line for 14 hours for the new Tickle-Me-Elmo to no avail. I feel your pain. To express our deepest condolences, we want to tickle your elmo with the one gift for your entire family/friend gift circuit! Math class for Tiny Tim! Buy 6, get 3 holiday freakers! Buy 12, get 6, Buy all of them, get a lot of them! IT'S SCIENCE! As an added bonus: we won't make you wait in line for 14 hours in the snow! Grandparents, baby boogers, co-workers, that weirdy wino you know you're related to but can never remember his name... Freak everything, freak everybody! Stock up on some freebies while you're at it! One holiday season to freak them all!