It is my birthday, ya know...
One Size Fits All: This will stretch over that big bottle of booze your best friend brought you.
Made in North Carolina: Where blowin' things is in our DNA.
Insulates: It'll keep you drink cold and your hand dry so you can cut the cake and not have to worry about your grip on the knife.
Machine Washable: Water won't extinguish the flame on this candle. It burns until it's blown... out.
American Jobs: We love you!