It's like a Santa walking away from an explosion in slow-motion.
One Size Fits All: We use the same technology as Santa, who fits down all chimneys. We aren't telling how we do it. We had to sell our soul for this information.
Made in North Carolina: When we sent the first proofs to Santa for approval he said, "I don't like my eyes. Can you put sunglasses on me?" Dude's Santa for a reason.
Insulates: Keeps the cocoa cold across all continents.
Machine Washable: Drop it in the wash. It will come out clean.
American Jobs: With a worldwide reach, thanks to you!