When we last left our Ethical Lesson, Lauren & Leigh had just sacrificed their bodies for the well-being of their plutonic male counterparts....
Nearing the border of South Carolina, Oliver calls back in a state of mellow-panic (this is the most panic that Oliver is capable of.) Zach is getting into legal trouble because of a bottle of vodka that the state trooper found in the back of the boxtruck (this is 100% Lauren's fault. No debate is necessary.)
The charge involves transporting liquor across state borders in a commercial vehicle and ZPapa is not legally allowed to drive away from the scene. Oliver, also, is not allowed to drive the truck because no "driving-log" has been recorded and since he was in the vehicle at the time of dispute, something something legal bla bla.
The cries of woe went a little something like this: "Ladies! You need to get here! South Carolina hates our guts! They're going to tow us! And then they're going to touch us! INAPPROPRIATELY!" But, if you've been following the story, you know that the little ones are notoriously late (they blame it on "enjoying scenery" but we all know they fell madly in love with the snooze button years ago) and are the good portion of 2 hours behind.
Too long, didn't read?: Boys in trouble. Cop is big jerk. Girls need to come get them and drive the truck away before tragedy strikes. Girls are 2 hours behind.
Even though they had already caressed their own "tee-tas" for this officer, these ladies were willing to do anything to save their friends. Lauren is going 80. Leigh is talking to the police (who was "stern" but "wasn't exactly sure what he was doing" and therefore "must be new.")
In circa 23 minutes they will get the call. The call of doom.
Oliver: "You girls. I can't believe you fell for that. None of it was real, so don't hurt yourselves."
Ladies: "....(*gasp!*).....(*silence*).....(*slamming of the breaks*)....How do you say 'Screw you guys' in Spanish? We'll be at South of the Border."
And thus, the Pedro's Pleasure Dome adventure begins.
Always complete with an American flag, this is the face of ferocity.
We'd like to make it very clear that the T-Rex, Reptile Lagoon, and the Steakhouse are all separate establishments.
And even though the ladies had been duped into breaking speeding laws and speaking very seriously to non-existent police officers, they had a grand ol' time reveling in their version of "revenge."
They made multitudes of new friends.
They rediscovered alter-egos of Leopard-Clad Nile-Princesses of Fabulosity.
They shamelessly posed incorrectly with statues that were built specifically for a very specific pose.
They chilled and dilled in the middle of the highway...
With the intention of getting shots like this. An accurate representation of the happiest place on our post-apocalyptic earth.
They laughed. They cried. They squeezed life and all of it's insensitive Mexican-Stereotypes to it's fullest.
They dined in the finest of all establishments with the most authentic of all geographically-aware dishes. (This is a lie. Never eat at South of the Border.)
And in the end, after the dusk had set, what had been done was irreversible, but the omnipresent question still lingered. "How do we even start to justify these horrible purchases?"
And then they remembered. 1/11/2012. ALWAYS REMEMBER.
Moral of the Story: Don't trick whimsical women. They will always find a way to out-fun you.
Alternative Moral of the Story: South of the Border is a majestic utopia.