This week, a tragedy occurred at Freaker World Headquarters, USA. We lost our intern, Matthew. Through the tears of our morning mourning, we agreed to throw Inter Matthew a funeral. (This is a lie. Only 1 person in the office thought that was a good idea.) This plan was quickly thwarted by a friend's novel idea of a "going-away party," which is basically just a funeral for beating hearts. (I would like to clarify: intern Matthew is not actually dead. He's just in Charlotte, and that's close enough.)
Anyways. I'd like to share with you the onslaught of presents we collected for Matthew the Not-Dead Un-Intern that celebrate our tender memories together:
Ah yes, I remember it fondly. This is when Alisha was Intern Matthew's father. The end.
So this was that one time when Intern Matthew decided to follow his childhood dream of becoming the "residentially drunken sailor of a small Irish nudist colony." We weighed the pros & cons and eventually concluded that we shouldn't be a big collective jerk about the situation, so instead we sacrificed Molly's face for the dignity of MatthewKind.
And as a final goodbye in the remembrance of Intern Matthew, we decided to see who's dangerously stalking him on the internet with a fun game of GOOGLE ANALYTICS! Remember last time we played this game? Things got weird.
SO! People can search for these terms and be directed to the same exact website that you (yes! you!) are reading RIGHT NOW!:
Dirty Plasma of Liberty named Matthew (Author's note: this one is the second link down. "Plasma Hammer" Disco outranked Intern Matthew's chances of victory on this one.)
Jock Jams? SMELL THE COOKIN MATT (Author's note: ....No comment.)
Matthew ended history's greatest bro fight (Author's note: TRUE STORY, BRO!)
Gyrating matthew in da club (Authors note: this one may have actually been my fault.)