On Tuesday, we decided to give away an exclusive design created by our art director. Let me clarify: when we say the word "exclusive," it is not in a pretentious manner. It is only exclusive because he made the design as a test for our new monster printer (no, really, it's 6 feet wide.) and in a fit of violent apathy he never actually saved his work. It was printed once and then lost forever.
Instead of hosting a poetry reading about lost beauty, we decided to give it away on Instagram to whoever could interpret what the hell "Getting Juicy With It" meant. In photo form. On the internet. With Freakers.
Now we have the impossibly stupid job of selecting a winner. There was technically only suppose to be one winner, because there is only one Biggie poster, but you are all so wonderfully odd that I feel the need to reward your peculiarities with rabid materialism.
And the winners areeeeee:
The You-Actually-Found-A-Biggie-Shirt-Within-24-Hours Team!
Aw. You guys. I don't know if you two know each other in "real life," but we really want your shirt choices to date on the internet. @jnm5745 and @devinmurphy - send us your shipping address, we got 2 Freakers heading your way!
The Adorablity-Awards Team!
Are you kidding me?! These little birds are so delightful, it made us blush. Ladies, send us your address, & we'll send you 3 Freakers made with unicorn hair and knit joy. @wildkatxoxo and @mashellular - awww, just, awww.
The Ladies-of-Liberty Squad!
Alright, girls. You are America. @alaskafighting and @mcimone gimme your address. You have been knighted with 4 Freakers.
The HOLY-#%@-YOU-ARE-AWESOME Team!
@mistercodystrickland is wearing a speedo, pounding a banana, and presumably listening to ODB in a Walkman. @dlgsiloam is about to join a motorcycle gang on a purple mountain bike covered in a rainbow. Both of you win not only 5 Freakers, but also at life in general. Send us your shipping address. Good work, team.
And for the actual winner of Justin's design and a care package of 6 Freakers...
@cameronegerer stripped away any semblance of normalities to scream obscenities in the snow next to a fence in his skivvies. On top of that, he publicly declared in the comments section his love for reading Word Up magazine, meaning that his spirit animal is probably Biggie Smalls... if Biggie was to ever be caught naked in the snow. Keep on rockin in the free world, JuiceMaster!
Congratulations to everyone except for us, who are currently coming to terms with the dehabilitating fact that we will never be able to choose just one. You are simply too phenomenally strange. Onwards to victory!