Blog!

When our Mr. CEO Zach Crain was a wee little boy, he had dreams of grandeur for his adult life. He karate chopped carrots, achieved his splits in the playground, and rocked is still rocking that mullet. Yes, little boy Zach wanted to be Jean Claude Van Damme when he grew up.  But like most children's dreams, it was unrealistic and also physically impossible. "What a load of pig lard" said Zach Crain. Lesson of the day: When life gives you swine, you make that pig kick some ass.  This week only, Jean Claude Van Ham Freakers and Freaker Feet are 30% off! 

Legends come in all shapes, sizes, and styles. Take the Sugar Rays, for example: Sugar Ray Leonard. Sugar Ray Robinson. And someday, when your life has passed you by, you'll sit around and wonder why most of your cherished memories are slipping but you still know every word to Sugar Ray's smash hit singles. Every morning, we want you to remember all the greats with this sugar-fueled boxing sting ray, complete with a halo hanging from the corner of his 4 post boxing ring. This week only, Sugar Rays Freakers & Freaker Feet are 30% off!

In this brisk busy bustle of the world that we all somehow live in, the Chill Pilgrims are thought to get left behind. No way, Jose. Today we celebrate the grace of the easy-rider, the relaxative enthusiasts, and those who dare to take it easy. You groovy, mang.  This week only, Tortoise & the Hair Freakers and Freaker Feet are 30% off! 

Ahhhh, college. An unforgettable time of self discovery, sure-fire enlightenment, and questionable decision making.....a 4 year long spirit-week, full of coordinated color schemes and synchronized yelling. We're here today to keep that enthusiasm soaring high before you learn what student debt is. This week only, all licensed collegiate Freakers and Freaker Feet are 30% off!

Labor Day is officially in the past. Does this mean that you're putting every white article of clothing in a trunk with caution tape reading "HAZARDOUS UNTIL MEMORIAL DAY"? Are you deflating all of your pool accessories and instead swimming in a puddle of your own tears? No. You're going to HOLD ON to that loving feeling. You're going to plaster your bottles and socks with imagery of sunshine, summer, and sailboats. You're going to make it through, with head held high, until the next time you can sing I'm On A Boat with T-Pain. This week only, Water World Freakers & Freaker Feet are 30% off!

Has anybody ever accused you of turning into a pickle? Have you ever found yourself IN a pickle? How did the innocent pickle become such a negative talking point? Today we reclaim the word pickle. Next time you're accused of turning into a pickle, imagine yourself on an exotic island, wearing a hawaiin shirt, sippin' on some hard dill. The dawn of Tropickle, y'all. This week only, Tropickle Freakers & Freaker Feet are 30% off!

Imagine a world where people roam in complete peace and harmony. Where everybody holds hands, and frolicks in the fields, wearing nothing but flowers. Suddenly, a gang of lawless critters steamroll through your human utopia on a pack of stolen motorcycles. To the soundtrack of Daddy Yankee's #1 smashhit, Gasolina, they steal everything you've ever loved.  FACT: Crime is never cute. Unless it's committed by an otter.  This week only, Grand Theft Otter Freakers and Freaker Feet are 30% off! 

Aaaahhhhh, long summer nights of stargazing and disorderly conduct. Did you catch the meteor shower last week? There is a wild abandonment, a savage serenity, a mind-boggling perspective in stargazing that makes one say "DAYUUMMMMMMM, UNIVERSE. YOU LIT!" every. single. time. In celebration of your stardust, Orbit Please Freakers & Freaker Feet are 30% off - this week only!

We're officially in the Back To School cycle. Let me guess: you spent the last of your summer savings at weirdo water parks, Smash Mouth reunion tours, and long questionable nights of “this rounds on me, boys!”  What’s going to happen when the university bookstore tells you to drop $800 on a mandatory “new edition” of “ancient history”? Shock, awe, confusion, and most importantly - noodles. Oodles of noodles.  Don’t worry, we knew this would happen, so we made you a trusty sidekick with a master’s degree in frugal glamour.  This week only, Ramen Poodle Freakers and Feet are 30% off! 

In the wise words of 50 Cent: "Growing up sucks. People aren't nearly as eager to know what my favorite dinosaur is. It's a f***ing Gorgosaurus. You don't care."  We care, 50. We care. We also care about prehistoric chickens, clever girls, and naptime. Normal people can turn into terror-dactyls without naptime.  This week only, Dirt Nap Freakers and Feet are 30% off! 

Conspiracy theories can be absurdist, suspicious, bizarre, or ...ahem... illuminating. Favorites include: The moon does not exist. World governments are run by alien lizards in human costumes. Israel uses remote-controlled sharks as spies. Denver Airport is literally hell. Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer. Katy Perry is Jonbenet Ramsey. Barbara Bush is Marilyn Monroe. Of course Illuminati ramblings are always lurking in the shadows... but WHAT IF PIZZA RULED THE WORLD? We'll sign on to that world-view anyday. This week only, Zalluminati socks are 30% off!

Twenty years ago, Will Smith celebrated Independence Day by laying the smackdown on a hoard of alien invaders. Now let's reimagine the story as a happier one, where all players involved take a healthy dosage of Chill Pills. Fast forward to present day: we're all lounging on the beach with our extraterrestrial besties, smoking cigars and laughing at the old times of prank abductions. *ayy lmao* We come in peace, y'all. This week only, Alien Gonzalez Freakers & Freaker Feet are 30% off!