Blog!

All packages must be properly wrapped. This one is an example of GO HOME AND DO IT AGAIN. Today marks a historic moment. Today we got the 35th email regarding a package lost in the post office in the last month. If you have not received an order placed in the past couple of weeks, shoot us an email, we'll check your tracking and take care of you! Most importantly though, always remember Men In Black. That should clear up any confusion on what's happening here. #NeverForgetY'all.

We here at Freaker USA believe in valued customer service. We usually only post Freaker Friday winners in our Tuesday newsletter, but today is special. Last week we asked you for task-suggestions for our new interns. Without further ado, I present both the winners of Freaker Friday and photographic proof that we are listening to your input.

After a long treacherous journey down Decision Road, we finally choose two interns. Were you one of the applicants that didn't "win" the position? Here are some reasons why you actually won at life in general by not getting the job:

... Just like that Creed song. Don't pretend to be so suave, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Half of us are saying buh-bye to the American expanse of the Great Plains. The other half are saying buh-bye to a different kind of spacial curiosity: our old office.

While half of the Freakerteam has gone mobile, making stops and throwing parties on their way out west, the other half has some excitement of their own! Yesterday, we began the exodus from our Castle Street location to our new deluxe office in the sky! While we are so excited about our new space, it is hard to leave so many memories where we humbly began our journey! WHAT YOU'RE WINNING THIS WEEK: We have a stack of old polaroids, each with a unique memory from our office, that we want to share with you! In addition to a polaroid, each of our five winners will receive one random "found object" from our move, as well as a Freaker of their choice! HOW TO ENTER: Simply comment on this picture with your favorite memory from our old workspace! You can link in an old blog post, type something from memory, or give us a first hand account of a time you were in the office (realistically or metaphorically!) Mooooooovin' on up!

Real Life #FreakerProblems: Somebody anonymously sent us two horse masks early this week. Why is this a #problem? Why do you keep using #hashtags to communicate what is seemingly a non-problem? Would a real problem warrant #hashtags either way? All of these questions are invalid, and I am going to explain to you why in the form of another question: What is the only other universe where anonymous horse heads are anonymously given away in mysterious places? YOU KNOW THE ANSWER. And that is the extent of our #FreakerProblems this week. The mafia. The plastic horse mafia. If you don't hear from us ever again, give our warmest regards to Fred Durst. That is all.

A couple months ago, we were invited to give a lecture at UNCW's Business Week.  Hiding amongst the philosophical inquiries such as "Does your art director, Justin Mitchener, dream in Comic Sans? Also, is he single? How can I fax him?," there was a common question that we were not exactly prepared for.  A sprite spring-chicken of a student raised his hand and asked us "Where do you see yourself in 5 years? How do you plan to measure your success?" WELP. The long answer was a bit fuzzy, something something no-expectations something something take-it-as-it-comes something bla bla bla. The short answer was "Hopefully, within 5 years, we'll be able to move into a new office."  Fast Forward 3 Months: we signed a new lease for a new building last week! 

Don't judge a book by it's cover, don't judge a film by it's Youtube comments, and don't expect our blog titles to be descriptive of the nonsense we spew. In fact, sometimes you should expect the exact opposite. For example, the title above sais "Productivity Puppies," but in reality it should be "Distraction Dogs." Have you ever had YOUR office bombarded by puppies?! (If the answer is "yes," keep reading. If "no," stop everything you're doing and go find a puppy. I don't care who's it is, I'm sure they won't mind if you borrow it for a while.) If you said "yes," then you know how unproductive the Having-A-Puppy-In-Your-Workspace game can be. For those of you who are not plagued by this adorable virus, we've made you a photo presentation of this horrible ailment. OKAY GO!:

There is a man that exists in America. His name is Jonathan Guggenheim. Mister Goog just unveiled his sneaky "I'M IN YO OFFICE, SNAPPIN' SPY SHOTS OF YO COWORKERS" series. We have no choice but to take a look. We're a little nervous, so please, join us in this journey.

Today we made a couture outfit and patted ourselves on the back because we finally "got" fashion. AND THEN THIS HAPPENED and we immediately "un-got" fashion. That is all. (Alternative Title: TRUSTFALL SOUNDEFFECTS R DA KEWLEST.)

Things have been a little hectic lately here in Freakerville, and when we get frazzled, strange things start to occur. Here is a photo journal of weird happenings that have been making an appearance in our office over the past week. As shown above, Justin had a "late night" on the internet and ordered a new girlfriend. She comes in the form of a 6 ft. wide printer and we wish them the absolute best together.

The ringleader and the blacksmith are weirdy beardy. Bruce Willis is skeptical of this. There's a whole slew of cultural sayings that pertain to old habits, but very few of them were actually said by Bruce Willis. So I want you to imagine Bruce Willis is your grandmother, telling you catchy bits of wisdom like "can't teach an old dog new tricks. PUPPIES 4EVA!" and "have a cake, eat it too, pass the fork. I understand nothing." Today in Freakerville, Bruce Willis is our collective grandmother, here to expose our repetitive tendencies.