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Freak of the Week: Freedom Edition (PSYCHE!)

Posted by Freaker USA on May 10, 2012

Ooh! Ooh! It's that time of the week again where we ask you a weird question then plow you with free stuff! YEAH!

Last week we asked you what Lil' Ben's favorite song was. I must say, you guys are just like Drew Barrymore in that rom-com about writing love songs.... but IN REAL LIFE. Every week we choose 2 winners, the first for the comment that induces the biggest grin and the second in some manner of randomization! So the first winner goes to..... JACOB RUDOLPH:

"London Bridge is Falling Down," of course. Right-O. Pip, pip.

This made us giggle because we imagined a strange hybrid between Lil' Wayne and Oliver Mellan playing children's games with us. And that image was beautiful.

And for this week's random pick, we wrote down each contestant's name on tiny strips of tiny papers:

And then we made Alisha dribble them from her tender embrace into Zach's face.

The first one to hit the inside of his mouth would be deemed the "winner," which is a pretty odd terminology considering the circumstances... but alas:

Would the real Vovi Wetzel please stand up, please stand up, please stand up.

Winners! Send us your shipping address! We have goodies for you!

And for this week, we are turning the freakight on Cuba!

Tell us who your favorite dictator is on Cuba's product page and win the chance to have your name written on a tiny strip of paper placed inside Zach's mouth!

Freakshack, USA

Posted by Freaker USA on April 30, 2012

Where we sit our butts everyday:

The Official Freaker World Headquarters.

photography the office

Dark Ages

Posted by Freaker USA on March 28, 2012

Our internet wasn't working until 12:39 today.

Life without it was very very confusing.

Justin Mitchener pictures the office

Still On This Train

Posted by Freaker USA on March 21, 2012

A woman yelled at Alisha on the phone today.

So we SuperDraked her.

For comfort.

2012 Alisha Payne the office

A sneak peek at our latest videojam

Posted by Freaker USA on March 16, 2012

Obama? Obama is that you?!

Meanwhile, who can spot the astonishingly freakerless bottle monstrosity?! THE HORROR!

2012 Oliver Mellan pictures the office Zach Crain

Worker's Contract.

Posted by Freaker USA on March 15, 2012

We have decided to compile a list of legalities that proves we here at Freaker USA Inc. are pleasant employers and strive to create a peaceful work environment in which everyone feels both productive and comfortable.

First, a quick backstory:

The conclusion of our science shoot (for science!) was quite a success. We tricked our co-workers into signing up for this film by NOT telling them that they were going to be shirtless (Spring Break WOO!)

As expected, Lauren started blabbling on about some kind of "sexual harrassment in the workplace." So to remind her just how compassionate we are, we changed all of the desktop backgrounds in the office to something that would show how much we love and respect her:

For all of you out there that think this may be discriminatory, let us set the record straight:

Freaker USA is an equal opportunity employer!

We show our love & respect through sexual harassment in the workplace to everyone!

If you look closely, you eyes will get the honor and the pleasure of gracing Justin Mitchener's throbbing-hot bare chest. We fax things like this. To each other. Equal rights 4eva!

We here at Freaker USA also .... I'm not sure what to say here. It's pretty self explanatory, actually.

Freaker USA values it's employees and strives to grant them with spectacular workplace benefits and an unparralled level of personal acceptance. As you can see in the photo above, we fully celebrate all religious and national holidays. Like Spring Break (WOO!)

.....

........

So please feel free to send your best bikini photos along with your resume to freaker@freakerusa.com and rest in the comfort of knowing that we here at Freaker USA will never ever compromise your dignity for crude jokes and cheap thrills.

2012 Alisha Payne freakerteam Justin Mitchener Lauren Krakauskas the office wilmington Zach Crain

Compromises

Posted by Freaker USA on March 09, 2012

Our office toilet has been broken for two days now and our plumber has, for some odd reason, decided to succumb to property management bureaucracy. This is what we have:

And this is what we want:

So we added "Go find us this potty" to Zach's errand list for the day. His search for a new fancy Japanese button potty was a failure. So he bought donuts instead.

No toilet, more donuts? The universal placater.

Unfortunately, the plumber also shut off our water before he went on his plumbing-heirarchy sojourn. So now we get the honor and the pleasure of this hot donut mess for the rest of the day.

(Also, I think this is an appropriate time to showcase the magic-mirror in our office's bathroom. Because. You know:

2012 pictures the office

Now, The World Is Probably Ceasing To Spin

Posted by Freaker USA on March 01, 2012

"Let's not let Snooki's pregnancy overpower the fact that Justin Bieber turned 18 today."

-World News Analysis as provided by Miss Alisha Payne.

Food for ...thought?

2012 Alisha Payne pictures the office

Sexy Sax Payback

Posted by Freaker USA on February 16, 2012

Alternative Title: WE CAN PLAY THIS GAME TOO, YOU BIG DREAM-CRUSHING JERKS.

Yesterday when the Freaker Office discovered that the Travelling Freaks had met their collective hero, Sexy Sax Man, they all but cried. (This is a lie. Some of them actually did cry.) So the office decided that they were allowed to follow their dreams just as solidly as Zach and Oliver had followed the office's dreams.

And thus emerged a beautiful love-phoenix from the ashes of Sexy-Sax-Man-Grief:

It's true! Sergio Flores jetpacked himself all the way from Vegas to North Carolina to carelessly whisper the sanity back into the Freaker office. Lauren fell hopelessly in love with his pecks and he serenaded her with his mystical sax of lust.

It was exhilarating!! Here, you can see our new intern Matthew "getting down with his bad self" in an uncontrollable fit a joy.

Justin and Sexy-Sax-Man really hit it off right away. It was obvious that they are destined to be Bros 4 Eva!

Alisha, also, was thrilled with our new best friend, Sexy Sax Man. Here, you can see her shamelessly writhing to the rhythm of his Sexy-Soul-Saxophone.