Kim Jong Illest!

Kim Jong Illest

The age of the strange-bird dictator is arguably over (sorry Mugabe) but some legends will live forever. Today we want to celebrate the mystical life of one of recent history's darkest fairytales - one Supreme Leader to rule them all. Let's recap:

-He invented the hamburger, drank $700,000 worth of cognac a year, and could control the weather with his mood.

-He was born under a double rainbow and allegedly didn't use toilets. (Not beause he found a better way, but simply because Kim Jong Il allegedly didn't defecate.)

-The first (and only) time he ever golfed, he hit 11 hole-in-ones and then immediately retired, breaking all world records by a longshot.

-He loved platform shoes and deporting short people from the capital.

-Remember that time he kidnapped 2 South Korean filmmakers and forced them to remake Godzilla into a North Korean propaganda monster movie? Aahhh, the good ol' days.

Ladies and gentlemen, give a warm welcome to the newest member of the Freaker Family... Kim Jong Illest!