The Freaker Guide to Making Your Boxtruck Feel Like a LADY!

Last Tuesday, our Freak Master Z left on a jet-plane to make all of his grilled-cheesey dreams come true. He did it. He found the mobile-magic-boxtruck that is now officially in Freakerhands. For the past week, Zach & Freakteam of busy bees have been scrubbing, painting, shredding, welding, lifting, and fondling the boxtruck lounge that is destined to freak America!

Ladies and gents, it is our honor to introduce you to our Freakmobile.

And now....The Freaker Guide to making your boxtruck feel like a lady:


A dejected and ordinary little lady searching for love in all the wrong places.

Step 1:

Add a dad. Always add a dad.

Step 2:

Get a dirty girl. Tear her apart from the insides.

Step 3: 

Leave her alone for a little while. Let her think about who she really is. 

Step 4: 

Let Oliver loose. He'll know what to do. 

Step 5:

Get her all fancy-like and take her out dancing. 

Step 6:

Paint her nails. Braid her hair. Give her a boudoir.

Step 7:

Give her a martini. 2 Olives. She's well on her way to being what Tom Jones calls "a lady." Hurrah!

(This will undoubtedly end in some oversized ribbon being slicced, some woman uncontrollably crying tears of joy, and Ryan Seacrest out-ing.)