A couple months ago, we found out that the dearest lady in all of the land did not invite us to her office's beach party. We threw an unprecendeted hissy-fit and reverse-blackmailed her with an erotic onslaught of pseudo-nudie photographs we took of ourselves in Home Depot. Our plan was that the pictures would not stop until we were formally invited to her beach party. (The end result was that we were never invited and eventually had to leave Home Depot. You can see that particular adventure here)
Either way, we found out today that this same dame had been saddened by a boy!! We were all so heartbroken for her that we resorted to our impeccable logic in order to calm ourselves: Lauren must beat this boy up. We don't however, actually know this man, and even if we did, he seems to be a couple geographical states away. So instead, all the men in the traveling boxtruck-Freaker-caravan sacrificied the well-being of their bodies in Cassie's honor. These are the bruises of unwavering love.