Today is a joyous day across the nation! Celebrations and festivities are erupting from sea to shining sea! We don't even know how to contain our immense excitement and we've been worrying all day that we may explode from a fit of ravaging happiness!!
Today is the day that employed Americans get the honor and the pleasure of going back to work! Reports have it that in New York, employees on Wall Street have started crippling joy-riots. In Chicago, the financial district has suddenly transformed into a rainbow parade. Cubicles in Los Angeles have been hit hard with bunnies, glitter and an ornery group of workers vowing that they will never leave their beloved desks ever again.
Us here at the Freaker USA headquarters are no different. Here is an exclusive look at the extravagance of being able to go back to work on this holy day, December 27th, 2011.
Getting to work! The sun isn't shining but that's only because 9-5ers across the nation have stolen it out of the sky and are radiating light from their rolly-chairs of extravagance!! Hip Hip HOORAY!
Holy smokes!! There are orders to fill! We've never been so ecstatic to tenderly caress your packages. HOORAY!
(You have our explicit permission to interpret that any way you choose to.)
Time to get down to business! Look at all these bananas! We don't even care that The Linguist isn't edible! We don't need food today! Our bellys are full with the love of working. HOORAY!
SO full, in fact, that it made us a little nauseous. THAT'S HOW GREAT GET-YO-BUTT-BACK-TO-WORK-DAY REALLY IS! HOORAY!!
After we vomited all those glitter-rainbows, we spent some time on something they call "the internet" and we wrote a bunch of emails (which is this new technology that have put a hefty dent in the pigeon-carrying business) congratulating all of our friends for being able to go back to work today. HOORAY!
And then we held hands and..... wait! What is this?! IS THAT AN IMPOSTOR?! Did we just clone ourselves from pure joy?! OH, HAPPY WORLD!