Mount Olympus Freaks the (insert deity here.)

Was it really 4 years ago that everybody was in Shainghai watching a bunch of travellers doing the whole "synchronized swimming" thing? Dang, time! You're sneaky! 

Alas, it's true. The Olympics started this weekend! There was some weird ceremony where Ban Ki Moon had a big stick on fire. (GUYS: Pan Ki Moon the Freaker is a nerdy pun on the UN Secretary General named Ban Ki Moon. Bring this up if you ever see any of us, ever, and we'll buy you a beer. Unless we're broke, and then we'll give you a high five and strangely change the subject.**)

The point is, we're all going to be huddled together again and watching Modern Pentathion (not joking.) drinking soda-pop. And guys, let's be honest. It's painfully hot outside. Therefore, your soda-pop (HAHA! The Midwest is the coolest.) is going to cry. And crying soda-pop are a catalyst to the most disgusting of all awkward hand-shakes. 

You know what you have to do. 

Or you could just pretend that your country's flag looks like this:

Either way, Happy Olympics Everyone! 

**Disclaimer: This is Lauren. Please don't be mad at me if you do this Pan Ki Moon thing at a bar and member of the Freakerteam looks confused & suspicious.