Old Habits Die Hard. Like Bruce Willis.

Jeff Bridgers
The ringleader and the blacksmith are weirdy beardy. Bruce Willis is skeptical of this.

There's a whole slew of cultural sayings that pertain to old habits, but very few of them were actually said by Bruce Willis.

So I want you to imagine Bruce Willis is your grandmother, telling you catchy bits of wisdom like "can't teach an old dog new tricks. PUPPIES 4EVA!" and "have a cake, eat it too, pass the fork. I understand nothing." Today in Freakerville, Bruce Willis is our collective grandmother, here to expose our repetitive tendencies.

One of our past inclinations involved stealing celebrity's portraits from the internet and turning them into non-functional puppets. Freaker puppets. Unfortunately for our grandmother Bruce Willis, Die Hard was not included in this collection, thus explaining his apparent disdain for Angelina Freaklie. He told us that "birds of a feather flock together," under the assumption that him and Angie are feathers. How were we to know, Bruce? 

Another common theme in our mannerisms has to do with Justin Mitchener's leg placement. In case you can't see clearly, I want to reiterate that Justin's legs are not crossed. They are wide open and asymmetric in their peculiar stature. To this, Bruce Willis said "A stitch in time saves nine" and exactly nobody understood what he meant.

Every couple of weeks, we have a habit of letting the office dogs have a day in the sun. This rule does not apply to Bruce Willis. He is kept in his grandmother dungeon for safety purposes and dental repair. Jealousy ensues. Bruce Willis usually responds with "I could eat a horse." We subsequently yell at him about animal cruelty and disown him as our collective grandmother.

Horses are lovely, Bruce. Just lovely.

Other office habits include unnecessary phone calls about refrigeration, hiding under desks when the music is too loud, and pie. To all of these things, Bruce Willis is silent.