New limited-edition Freaker Alert!
Are you Irish? Of course you are. Everybody is Irish this time of year. It's one of life's mysteries that has baffled genetic scientists for centuries.
In celebration, we have presents for you and your obviously legitimate heritage. Ladies and gentlemen, give a warm welcome to SLAMROCK.
Like you, we are submissive to the "Being Irish" phenomena that is all consuming in the month of March. Here is a treasury of Irish wisdom and our literary interpretations thereof:
Old Irish Saying: Bricks and mortar make a house, but the laughter of children makes a home.
When We're Irish: Bricks and mortar make a house, but the LULZ of weird cat pictures make it better.
Old Irish Saying: May your home always be too small to hold all of your friends.
When We're Irish: May your boxtruck be so bangin' that it can feed grilled cheese to all of your friends.
Old Irish Saying: A kind word never broke anyone's mouth.
When We're Irish: You look really nice today, Fred Durst. Please don't break my jaw.
BOTTOMS UP, WORLD.