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  • G-05 Scary Garcia Freaker Collection

Chile Nelson

$9.99

$9.99
Somewhere between Whiskey River and the road... again.   One Size Fits All: Our buddy Oliver told us that if you put this Freaker on the right bottle, you're 'in the right mindset', and you play your favorite album backwards, it Chile will come to life and start singing. #UrbanLegendsMade in North Carolina: Something about the air here. It's clean. It's spicy. It's fresh.Protects the Valuables: If you're playing the puff-puff-pass game and your fingres are drenched with bottle sweat, that's a party foul and you get skipped. This thing can save you from that fate.Machine Washable: We do not recommend putting this thing into a chile roaster. It will burn it, not "sanitize it with heat." Found that one out the hard way.American Jobs: Thank you for making this happen!

Straight Outta Campton

$9.99 $5.99

$5.99
...crazy mothafreaker name Bigfoot -One Size Fits All! Sippy cup? Yep. Water bottle? Yep. 40 oz? Yep. MOST PERFECT GIFT EVER? Yep. -Made in North Carolina!! *somebody inevitably sings Wagon Wheel in the distance* -Insulates!! (I know, I know, big words. Here: It keeps all your drinks cold!) -Machine Washable! Throw that sucker in with a regular load of laundry for a pick-me-up. -American jobs thank you kindly for your support!

Buddy

$11.99

$11.99
"The best way to spread Christmas Cheer, is singing loud for all to hear."   One Size Fits All: Will fit all human sized bottles.Made in North Carolina: Wilmington is located 3,860mi from the North Pole, as the Reindeer flies.Insulates: On your trip through the seven levels of the candy cane forest, this will help keep your hot chocolate "melt-the-marshmallows" hot.Machine Washable: Fun Fact: Elf-sized washing machines can hold up to three Freakers.American Jobs: While they are inspired by the hard-working elves in the North Pole, these ones are made by the finest folks in the U.S.A. ELF and all related characters and elements © & TM New Line Productions, Inc. (s18)

Big Booty

$9.99

$9.99
Usually comes in a big chest.  One Size Fits All: We've all got bones. They come in all shapes and sizes. That's why we made the Freaker to fit different things because we're not shapeist. That's a thing. Hashtag it. Made in North Carolina: We're pretty Osteologist call North Carolina "The Fibula of America." We don't know why and we didn't ask, so that's a fact now.Insulates: Freakers are well known devices that keep the cold of a frosty beverage from sinking deep into the bone.Machine Washable: Throw that sucker in with a regular load of laundry for a pick-me-up.American Jobs: Thank you for supporting Americans from sea to shining sea!

Bunny Ralphie

$11.99

$11.99
"That is the most precious thing I've ever seen in my life." / "He looks like a pink nightmare." One Size Fits All: You tell this Freaker to go upstairs right now and try this present over every size bottle you can find!Made in North Carolina: The good people of North Carolina went through all this trouble to make it for you!Insulates: Every drink you have will be happy to be wearing this.Machine Washable: A trip through the wash and this will stay fluffy and clean for when Aunt Clara visits.American Jobs: Original American holiday movie designs? Check. Another year working at a Feakin' great American company? Check. Now go get some eggnog! A CHRISTMAS STORY and all related characters and elements © & TM Turner Entertainment Co. (s18)

Leg Lamp

$11.99

$11.99
"Frag-i-lé.... it must be Italian!"   One Size Fits All: If you're the smartest guy in your neighborhood, you know how versatile this bottle sweater REALLY is.Made in North Carolina: Honey, what is this North Carolina place?Insulates: Impossible to shoot your eye out with this Freaker. It goes on your favorite drink container. Machine Washable: Throw this guy in the washing machine, that's the metal box closest to the furnace, with a regular load of laundry.American Jobs: Buying this for you or your loved one supports a local business. Thank you. A CHRISTMAS STORY and all related characters and elements © & TM Turner Entertainment Co. (s18)