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Today we come to you with breaking news that is probably to be expected. Let's back up a baby-step.
For those of you who have not completed your medical training, Dissociative Identity Disorder is defined as such: "...The presence of two or more distinct identities or personality states...that recurrently take control of behavior." Recently, we have showcased the extremely not-boring conditions of Multiple Personality Syndromes in Zach, Oliver, and Adrienne.
So it comes as no surprise that the disease has spread and Lauren is now also plagued with a chronic case of "playing-maniacal-dress-up."
Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to Full Metal Jackie. She works with bands that tend to incoherently scream obscenities and in her spare time she wallows in bad puns that tend to scare everybody in her general prescense. Her girlfriend's name is Jacknife Jenny, her childhood nickname is Grumbelina, she plays drums in the all-girl-cover-band named Black Sabbatha. She watches the movie Happy Killmore once a month with her favorite freaker, Goosebumps. She will probably cut you.
This is Nicole Bloomburger. She would be classified as a stay-at-home-mom if she had children, but she has no children and is therefore just a stay-at-home-. She busies herself with spending endless hours on Pinterest looking at other people's choice in curtains and preparing for garden parties by "pre-gaming" with a bottle of champagne and watching her pool-boy from unsuspecting corners of her rooftop lounge. His name is Gabriel. And he is extremely young, but very muscularly toned. Her favorite Freaker is Kuptakes!