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Let's all take a moment to appreciate where we are. We are smack-dab in the middle of the most magical season known to mankind. Autumn has something special for everyone. Live in the North East? Your foliage situation is delightful! Are you in the habit of paying your electric bill? Fall gives you a sigh of relief. Soup. Sweaters. Pies. Pumpkin Spice Lattes. (You know who you are.) The wonders of autumn are never-ending, but today we want to add something new and indispensable to your list. Totescarves. You're welcome. WHAT YOU'RE WINNING: We have 5 care packages this week featuring totescarves from Wintercheck Factory. You heard me right. A tote that's actually a scarf. To the untrained eye, it's a traditional scarf. To the autumn professional, you can find perfectly sized (and zipped!) pockets to keep your valuables close when the temperature starts to drop. Winterheck Factory is a design and manufacturing studio in Brooklyn. What started with furniture evolved into so much more and now Wintercheck makes a variety of quality life-goods (sometimes with a little help from domestic-sourcing friends!) from oak lounge chairs to classic bathing suits to utility shower curtains to totescarves. Totescarfs. TOTESCARVES. We will never not be floored by the brilliance of totescarves. Each winner gets a totescarf and a Sizzurp Freaker! HOW TO ENTER: Get on Instagram and show us your favorite quirk of autumn with the hashtag #Freakercheck for your chance to win! Winners announced in our Tuesday newsletter!

Video killed the radio star, internet killed the video star. This is great news for people that thrive off of endlessly weird cats, videos of hamsters playing pianos and photos of sharks eating pizza. The world can be a dark place, and sometimes all it truly needs is an adorability vigilante. MmmmmmHM. You heard me. A Batman of cute stuff. Ladies and gentlemen, you'e in luck. It's Friday. Gotham is saved. What you are Winning: We have 5 care packages this week featuring iconic cartoon embroidered pillows from P'illoporto! By day - Phil Marden. New York Times illustrator. Work featured in MOMA. Currently living in Portland, illustrating columns for The Times. By night - Phil Marden. Awesome-stuff vigilante. Cartoon extraordinaire. Decorative pillow wizard. Fighter of the darkness. "Bold minimalist design and retro-inspired graphics evoke vintage illustration, early mass-production, comic art and advertising." It's true. And we're all better off because of it. Each winner also gets 2 embroidered P'illoporto pillows, made in Portland, and a Manneater Freaker! How to Enter: Get on Facebook, find this graphic, and leave a photo comment with the most adorable thing you can find. Battle of the cutes. It's on. Winners announced in our Tuesday newsletter!

Cat's pajamas. Ant's pants. Goat's gonads. Rad. Far out. Phat. The bomb (diggity.) Chill. TRILL. Trilllllllll. Language in pop culture keeps evolving, but nothing has ever truly topped the original cool-kid slang, "the bee's knees." Who came up with that brilliance and why did it make sense?! Try as we might, there has been a downward spiral into basic vulgarity (i.e. "THE TITS") and today we officially declare a new era of "talking good." Y'all ready? Let's git r' dun. What you are Winning: Their Henry Bottle Collection evokes the nostalgia of vintage medicine (read: HOOCH) bottles, and just like the olden times, the innards are vaguely flammable! (FACT: Handmade beeswax candles have a slower and more pleasant burn than medicinal moonshine.) Each winner also gets a Forget Me Now Freaker! How to Enter The phrase "bee's knees" is sooooo 90 years ago. Get on Facebook, find this graphic, and leave a comment with your new lingo to replace "the bee's knees." Winners announced in our Tuesday newsletter!

When history looks back on the time and place we've all found ourselves living in, what will be the overriding cultural themes? There may be a lot of easy targets for the naysayers (*cue in Nickleback*), but we here at Freaker USA are officially optimists., and the craftiness of this decade is overwhelming. Have you heard of Pinterest? It's a place where women show each other how to make magical dolphins out of bananas. Etsy? It's where you can buy felt gnome costumes. FOR YOUR CHICKENS. This generation understand "crafty," and no industry has taken it to the extreme more than the fancypants booze hounds. And that is a great thing. Today, we pay our respects. WHAT YOU'RE WINNING: We have 5 care packages this week featuring the luxurious craft of Bittermilk! In their own words, "Bittermilk is a line of cocktail mixers made for cocktail enthusiasts by bartenders with real ingredients. Crafted and bottled by human hands in Charleston, SC. The labor is in the bottle, just add booze." And in our words, Bittermilk has figured out a way to put the luxury of Charleston's craft cocktail culture in a bottle. Which is impressive, brilliant, and ...heroic. Yes. Heroic. If you've ever had a craft cocktail in Charleston, but do not live in Charleston, you'll agree the that the booze wizards bringing Charleston's brand of cocktail to you in the comfort of your own home are heroes. Winners get their choice of Bourbon Barrel Aged Old Fashioned, Charred Grapefruit Tonic, Smoked Honey Whiskey Sour, New Orleans Style Old Fashioned Rouge, or a Tom Collins with Elderflowers and Hops. Nom? Nom. Each winner also gets a Freaker of their choice! HOW TO ENTER: Get on Instagram, follow @drinkbittermilk, and show us the craftiest way that you treat yourself. Use the hashtag #FreakerMilk so we can find your entry! Winners announced in our Tuesday newsletter!

"Wu Tang is for the children." -An ancient proverb. Rap music and video games have been a target of worryworms for years. In reality, rap music and video games can be great educators. Outkast taught me everything I know about our foreign policy in the Middle East. And do you know why aliens haven't tried to invade Earth in at least 20 years? Easy: WILL SMITH. How many of you have crashed an automobile because of a wayward banana peel? Not even one? No. Not even one. Because Mario Kart taught an entire generation how to drive responsibly. So really, the rap music + video games + children equation is only a problem because it's missing one important component: caffeine. D, kiddos. WHAT YOU'RE WINNING: We have 5 care packages this week featuring our local roast masters, Focal Coffee! Based in our hometown of Wilmington, North Carolina - these guys are amateur beard growers, professional coffee drinkers, and enablers of our coffee dependency. With only 5 months under their official belt, the chaps at Focal are certified caffeine hustlers. Their delivery fleet consists of two motorcycles, a big red van, and unlimited high fives. With a variety of roasts, beans, and fresh cold brew, you'll never have to sleep again. Livin the dream, y'all. Each winner gets a bag of Focal coffee beans, a bottled cold brew, and four Freakers to celebrate rap music and video games - Maddog, 1 Chainz, Shark Tube and Ghost-Face!! HOW TO ENTER: Oooh, the joys of little childhood rebellions. Get on Facebook, find this graphic, and leave a comment with a rap verse about your youth for your chance to win! Winners announced in our Tuesday newsletter!

Special treats can make or break any day. Unexpectedly fired? Have a locally-sourced popsicle! Wife left you? Eat a repurposed pickle! It's Monday? Secret Mimosas! (Only use organic orange juice hand-squeezed with organic hands, of course.) The best part about special treats is that they're completely different depending on where you are. If you order "special treat" in Maryland, you might get a pet crab, whereas Chino might give you a knuckle sandwich. We, however, we'll give you a grilled cheese and a Freaker Friday. WHAT YOU'RE WINNING: We have 5 care packages this week featuring foodie treats curated by NC Made! NC Made is a small team of taste-testing enthusiasts that run a gourmet gift-box operation for specialty foods handcrafted in North Carolina! They travel the state tasting the handcrafted specialties of each region, then curating the best of the best into gift boxes for the world to drool over... AKA your new dream job. Each winner will get to choose from blister-fried peanuts (an eastern NC recipe!) or pickles from "an award-winning producer in western NC transforming their local bounty into the best pickles you'll ever eat." They also gets a Cackalacky Freaker! HOW TO ENTER: Get on Instagram & show us your special sauce (interpret that however you'd like!) with the hashtag #freakermade for your chance to win! Winners announced in our Tuesday newsletter!

Ever since we released Jail Bait earlier this week, we've been feeling a little guilty for incarcerating an innocent fish inside of a mason jar just for the funsies. How cruel! How unusual! We've since tried to free her, but alas, the deed has been done. Who will save the fish-damsel trapped in a jar? Dragonslayer is currently on tour with his new Meat Loaf tribute band. Spiderman has developed a crippling fear of both jars AND water. And Batman is Ben Affleck. This is a job for good ol' American muscle. We need your help. Even if you don't know how to turn on a hammer, it's impossible not to feel like a badass when you're using products made from sweat and steel. Let's git r' dun and save that fish, team. WHAT YOU'RE WINNING: We have 5 care packages this week featuring Machine Era Co! The guys over at Machine Era are designers, craftsmen, metal fabricators, innovators, and above all, masters in the art of badassery. Good design and every-day functionality had a saucy love affair, then out popped Machine Era's keysquare. Crafted in their workshop in Richmond, VA, the keysquares are designed to securely attach to your belt loop, open bottles, and be used and abused for an absurd amount of time. They are, after all, cut and machined from a piece of solid effin steel. Each winner also gets a Jail Bait Freaker! HOW TO ENTER: Collectively, we need to build up the courage to save this fish-damsel in distress from it's jar incarceration. Get on Facebook, find this graphic, and leave a photo comment showing us something that automatically makes you feel more badass by just looking at it. Winners announced in our Tuesday newsletter!

Famous duos are great. Peanut butter & jelly? Idiom for a reason. Hall would be nowhere without Oates. Selfies & duckface? A holy union. Tia & Tamara. Dumb & Dumber. Chip & Dale. Such finesse. Such harmony. Such teamwork. But for every famous duo, there are twenty underrated teams of two. Vans & candy. K-Ci & JoJo. The Glove & Reign Man. Prodigy & Havoc. Dogs & donuts. DOGS. AND. DONUTS. I mean, come onnnnnnn. Move aside, Batman & Robin - there's a new two in town. WHAT YOU'RE WINNING: We have 12 care packages this week featuring Vinca USA! The lovely ladies at Vinca are quirk royalty in the capital of quirk, Austin, Texas, where they run a "micro manufacturing" operation for their eccentric jewelry. Lions & tigers & bears? It's been done. How about dinosaurs & pickles & mermaids & astronauts & hedgehogs & narwhals & tacos & dogs... and yes, donuts. Game on. Each winner gets their choice of donut, doggie, or green leaf (hint: Glaucoma!) earrings and a Mister Pete Freaker! HOW TO ENTER: Let us know on Twitter who/what you think is the most underrated duo with the hashtag #VincaDuo for your chance to win! Winners announced in our Tuesday newsletter!

None of us here in Freakerville have children, but everytime we borrow one (you know, like ya do.) we're always floored by the creativity of little ones. No, kid, it's not a spaceship, it's a freezer. Yes, you can be an ice cream sandwich when you grow up. Sure, play with this french fry for six hours - see if I care. It's Friday afternoon. We're all officially 6 years old until Monday. Game on? Game on. WHAT YOU'RE WINNING: We have 5 care packages this week featuring the back to school brilliance of Public - Supply notebooks! It was the crisp design of Public - Supply that pulled us in, but it's the young Brooklynite company's concept that pushed us over the "holy moly, you're awesome" edge. For each product sold, they donate a percentage of profits to creative projects in public school classrooms via DonorsChoose.org. The transparency of their process is particularly remarkable: "We stamp a tracking number on every product we ship, so when you receive your purchase in the mail, you can visit our Classrooms page and match your tracking number with the classroom and project that you helped fund. We'll also keep a list there of classrooms we've helped in the past, and post any correspondence from teachers we've stayed in touch with." Each care package comes with a Public - Supply notebook, pencil, and a Tooth Fairy Freaker! HOW TO ENTER: Get on Instagram and show us your silliest childhood snapshot with the hashtag #freakersupply for your chance to win! Winners announced in our Tuesday newsletter!

With the release of our football line this week, we've been getting more and more excited about the upcoming season. Sports fans know what "all encompassing" means. You taste it, touch it, smell it, know it. You feel it. You freak it. Smells like team spirit. Game on, ya rascals. WHAT YOU'RE WINNING: We have 10 care packages this week featuring Outlaw Soaps! Handmade by a husband & wife team in California, Outlaw Soaps specialize in odd-loving scents catered to your wild life. Need soap that smells like bacon? Done and done. Whiskey? Yep. Unicorn poop? You heard me right. Seven winners will be getting Wild Life Soap Sets that include Hair of the Dog (whiskey!), Fire in the Hole (campfire!), and Blazing Saddles (a whole slew of leathery influences!) and three will be getting Bacon Soap! Each care package also comes with a Jock Itch Freaker of their choice! HOW TO ENTER: If you could smell like an image, what would it look like? Get on Facebook and leave a photo comment on this graphic with your answer for your chance to win! Winners announced in our Tuesday newsletter!

It's been a great couple of years for the DIY movement. With the advent of platforms like Etsy and Instructables, you can now find DIY products and instructions for just about anything. Need to make a life-sized paper clone of yourself? On it. A taxidermied fish helmet? Duh. Star Wars Adafruit Flora Theremin LED Bra? Full instructions here. Cheese? WHOA. Back up. You can make your own cheese?! The future is here and it is everything you've ever dreamed of. And more. Game on. WHAT YOU'RE WINNING: We have 5 care packages this week featuring DIY kits from Urban Cheesecraft! Claudia Lucero is the most adorable cheesy-mastermind alive. (Proof: here is a mini-documentary Etsy made about her and her cheese project!) Instead of using her powers for evil, Claudia is spreading the joys of cheese-making to the masses with these comprehensible cheese making kits! Each kit comes with an instructions handbook, recipes, Fine Mesh 100% Cotton Cheesecloth (also known as Butter Muslin), Non GMO Citric Acid, Non- GMO and Pure, Non-Iodized Flake Salt. All you need to add is milk and love! Each care package also comes with an Udder Lee Freaker! HOW TO ENTER:Get on Twitter and let us know what you'll be able to DIY in the future with the hashtag #FreakerCheese for your chance to win! Winners announced in our Tuesday newsletter!

Cures. Everybody has one. We took a quick office poll on "how do you cure a shark bite?" One girl said "pee on it," which is always an honorable suggestion. "Do a handstand, to reverse bloodflow," said the dude who assumed sharks only bite your toes. Our logistics guy looked confused. Our accountant suggested the traumatizing Freaker Friday entry from last week about performing impromptu & unexpected seawater enemas on the beaches of Africa. A warehouse worker yelled "Amputate 'er!" The official final answer? Magic. Voodoo alchemy shark bite magic. Welcome to Friday. WHAT YOU'RE WINNING: This week we have 5 care packages to give away featuring all natural apothecary products from Town & Anchor! Sprouting from our very own hometown of Wilmington, North Carolina - Town & Anchor is comprised of two modern day alchemists, mixing and matching and making quality grooming goods from natural ingredients! Look good, feel good, be good! Good? Good! It's magic! Each care package also comes with a Shark Tube Freaker! HOW TO ENTER: Get on Instagram and show us what YOU use as a cure (for anything and/or everything!) with the hashtag #FreakerCure for your chance to win! Winners announced in our Tuesday newsletter!