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Remember going to kindergarten with no teeth? The situation was made somehow less-awful by a mythical pixie that left candy under your pillow. There are a handful of pleasant little fairies that were part of childhood (fairy princesses, fairy godmothers, Ru Paul), but tooth fairy is the most inexplicable. Out of all the magical powers a fairy can choose, what kind of creep wants to steal mouth-bones* from sleeping children? Today that mystery has been solved. The tooth fairy is no wood sprite. It's a screwball wonky walrus. After all those years, you can finally sleep well tonight. You're welcome. Ladies & Gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to the newest member of the Freaker Family... Tooth Fairy!

With the release of our football line this week, we've been getting more and more excited about the upcoming season. Sports fans know what "all encompassing" means. You taste it, touch it, smell it, know it. You feel it. You freak it. Smells like team spirit. Game on, ya rascals. WHAT YOU'RE WINNING: We have 10 care packages this week featuring Outlaw Soaps! Handmade by a husband & wife team in California, Outlaw Soaps specialize in odd-loving scents catered to your wild life. Need soap that smells like bacon? Done and done. Whiskey? Yep. Unicorn poop? You heard me right. Seven winners will be getting Wild Life Soap Sets that include Hair of the Dog (whiskey!), Fire in the Hole (campfire!), and Blazing Saddles (a whole slew of leathery influences!) and three will be getting Bacon Soap! Each care package also comes with a Jock Itch Freaker of their choice! HOW TO ENTER: If you could smell like an image, what would it look like? Get on Facebook and leave a photo comment on this graphic with your answer for your chance to win! Winners announced in our Tuesday newsletter!

Get your tubes and show some teeth, kiddos! It's here! Shark Week is here! Make sure that you're adequately prepared for the nibbles this year, and most importantly, remember to have fun.

Canadians can freak too! This is 2014, dammit. #FreaqualRights If you're at Toronto Gift, come say HEYYAAAA! You can track down your new Freakers at the Shadowbox by David Youngson booth! Bam bam bam!

It's been a great couple of years for the DIY movement. With the advent of platforms like Etsy and Instructables, you can now find DIY products and instructions for just about anything. Need to make a life-sized paper clone of yourself? On it. A taxidermied fish helmet? Duh. Star Wars Adafruit Flora Theremin LED Bra? Full instructions here. Cheese? WHOA. Back up. You can make your own cheese?! The future is here and it is everything you've ever dreamed of. And more. Game on. WHAT YOU'RE WINNING: We have 5 care packages this week featuring DIY kits from Urban Cheesecraft! Claudia Lucero is the most adorable cheesy-mastermind alive. (Proof: here is a mini-documentary Etsy made about her and her cheese project!) Instead of using her powers for evil, Claudia is spreading the joys of cheese-making to the masses with these comprehensible cheese making kits! Each kit comes with an instructions handbook, recipes, Fine Mesh 100% Cotton Cheesecloth (also known as Butter Muslin), Non GMO Citric Acid, Non- GMO and Pure, Non-Iodized Flake Salt. All you need to add is milk and love! Each care package also comes with an Udder Lee Freaker! HOW TO ENTER:Get on Twitter and let us know what you'll be able to DIY in the future with the hashtag #FreakerCheese for your chance to win! Winners announced in our Tuesday newsletter!

This is about to get a little cheesey, but we think you're really grate. We're milking our time with you here, because we feel bleu when you're not around. We would brie nothing without you! When you say something so gouda it makes us icescream out loud with laughter, we can never tell cow you can come up with cheese kinds of things! Nobody is cheddar than you are, you sharp munster of love. Just in queso we don't get another chance, we've made this special present just for you. Ladies & Gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to the newest member of the Freaker Family... Udder Lee!

Cures. Everybody has one. We took a quick office poll on "how do you cure a shark bite?" One girl said "pee on it," which is always an honorable suggestion. "Do a handstand, to reverse bloodflow," said the dude who assumed sharks only bite your toes. Our logistics guy looked confused. Our accountant suggested the traumatizing Freaker Friday entry from last week about performing impromptu & unexpected seawater enemas on the beaches of Africa. A warehouse worker yelled "Amputate 'er!" The official final answer? Magic. Voodoo alchemy shark bite magic. Welcome to Friday. WHAT YOU'RE WINNING: This week we have 5 care packages to give away featuring all natural apothecary products from Town & Anchor! Sprouting from our very own hometown of Wilmington, North Carolina - Town & Anchor is comprised of two modern day alchemists, mixing and matching and making quality grooming goods from natural ingredients! Look good, feel good, be good! Good? Good! It's magic! Each care package also comes with a Shark Tube Freaker! HOW TO ENTER: Get on Instagram and show us what YOU use as a cure (for anything and/or everything!) with the hashtag #FreakerCure for your chance to win! Winners announced in our Tuesday newsletter!

Bring it on, LeBron.

#BeyonceTheDog finally kicked off her inevitable modeling career this afternoon for the newest Freaker release, Shark Tube. Here are some fun facts about your new favorite supermodel:  1.) #BeyonceTheDog is Mister Pete's daughter.2.) #BeyonceTheDog recently won the "Cutest Dog In Wilmington" award, and was featured on the cover of Encore Magazine!3.) #BeyonceTheDog's hairdo is more ridiculous than a shark in a tube. 

There are some obsessive points in American pop culture that nobody can quite explain. An unhealthy fixation on Nicholas Cage's career? The entire state of Florida? Troll dolls? Dennis Rodman?! Rationalize that to an outsider, I dare you. Dedicating an entire week in the middle of summer to cheering-on giant, swimming-teeth that want to eat you? Shark Week is psychotic. And awesome. And it's almost here.Dedicating an entire week in the middle of summer to cheering-on giant, swimming-teeth that want to eat you? Shark Week is psychotic. And awesome. And it's almost here. Prepare yourself this year with a Shark. In a tube. On a Freaker. Ladies & Gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to the newest member of the Freaker Family... Shark Tube! (A special thanks goes out to our friends at Nordstrom who special requested "one shark to rule them all." If you want to find a Shark Tube in your neighborhood, these locations are the first to carry them!)

Summer is arguably just one, big, unexpected scavenger hunt. Family day at the beach? We've all played the seashell game. Jetsetting for an exotic trip? You'll find curiosities everywhere! Rihanna famously found love in a hopeless place, and once upon a time, we even found a live squirrel in our accountant's desk drawer. Surprise! WHAT YOU'RE WINNIG: This week we have 5 care packages to give away featuring driftwood iPhone docking stations from Docksmith!  Rustic and riddled with character, each docking station is crafted from driftwood found in the magic state of Maine! The four-person small business with the backdrop of coastal Americana has so much grace, we want to nominate the whole operation for a Charm Award. Good work, team! Each care package also comes with a Freaker of your choice! HOW TO ENTER: Get on Facebook, find this graphic, and let us know in the comments what unexpected thing you've found this summer for your chance to win! Winners announced in our Tuesday newsletter!

It's Christmas in July! And it goes a little something like this: Everybody loves a BoGo Got the ladies dancing like GoGo When they see the Freaker logo Use the extra funds for a trip to Togo It's Christmas in July, hoho...ho. And there goes our rap career.From now until Thursday, for every Freaker you buy, we'll be adding in a free Mystery Freaker! Buy one, get one. Buy two, get two. Buy a gazillion, get a gazillion. You know the drill. (Yes, each Mystery Freaker you get will be of a different style! When you don't see the extras on your shipping confirmation - have no fear. We'll be adding them in manually!)