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We love America. America loves trainwrecks. If this was a math word-problem, the correct answer would be Dennis Rodman. If anybody missed the broadcasted meltdown last week, do yourself a favor and soak up the Britney's Shaved Head moment of 2014 right here. (Go ahead and fast forward to 5:15. For America.) WHAT YOU'RE WINNING: We have 6 care packages to give away this week featuring Passport sized notebooks from Emgie Libris! These guys make every notebook by hand in Philadelphia with locally-sourced recycled-materials. They look good. They look real good. Beyond how good they look (which is incredibly good) - Emgie Libris books are durable. GO TEAM! Each winner will get a signature Passport sized Emgie Libris book and a Gosling Freaker! HOW TO ENTER: Let's pretend you are a news anchor interviewing Dennis Rodman during a meltdown. Get on Twitter and let us know what questions you would ask him with the hashtag #FreakerNews for your chance to win! Winners announced in our Tuesday newsletter!

Remember when life was just a bit more simple? When neighbors delivered cookies just for the funsies? When strangers said “hello” and children played outside? When loved ones personally embroidered your gifts and all of your house decor was just varying interpretations of a Welcome Mat? That was the defining feature of simpler times. Welcome Mats. Life is better with Welcome Mats. Let’s bring back the Welcome Mats and embroderies. I DARE YOU. WHAT YOU'RE WINNING: : We have 5 care packages to give away this week featuring a hodgepodge of creations from the brilliant minds of Edge of Urge! The top dog, Jessie Williams, has a new line of inappropriate embroideries named Fine Lines. We have two Fine Lines to giveaway, as well as two I Believe In Humans necklaces and an Edge of Urge original Shy Bitch shirt! All prizes are designed and made in Wilmington, North Carolina! Each package comes with a Freaker of your choice! HOW TO ENTER: Get on Facebook, find this graphic and leave a comment with what your future Welcome Mat will say for your chance to win! (Insider’s Tip: It doesn’t necessarily have to say “Welcome.” Hell, it doesn’t even have to be welcoming) Winners announced in our Tuesday newsletter!

It's a new year, it's a new you. This is your chance for a clean slate. Your questionable decision making skills? Those are in the past. Your regrettable "people projects"? So 2013. Those Snapchats that were mysteriously screenshotted? Don't worry, they poofed into oblivion. All those Freakers you gave away to the drunk guy on New Years? It's time to restock 'em. We're here to help you. The new you. WHAT YOU'RE WINNING THIS WEEK: We're starting this New Year right and keepin' it simple today. We have 6 care packages to give away this week featuring 6 Freakers of your choice! (Total retail value: $60) HOW TO ENTER: Get on Twitter and let us know what your most ridiculous New Year Resolution is this year with the hashtag #FreakerBeaker for your chance to win! Winners announced in our Tuesday newsletter!

  As you have probably realized by now, we include hand-written personalized love notes with each order. With the onslaught of holiday chaos, we've been getting a little manic with our love notes. One of our favorite outcomes of the love-note-marathon has been an accidental series of Creepy Carl love notes. This holiday season, as you sit around and stare at leftovers with your family, we want to give you ammunition for table talk. Help us develop the Creepy Carl series and we'll pay you in Cuppow's new life-changing product, BNTO! It's a win/win for everyone except Carl, who is excessively losing. WHAT YOU'RE WINNING THIS WEEK: We have 9 care packages to giveaway this week featuring Cuppow BNTOs! We've been having a love affair with Cuppow's signature product for a while, the ingenius device that turns your canning jar into a travel mug. With the introduction of their new product, BNTO, the way we bring our lunch to work has been revolutionized. BNTO turns your canning jars into compartmentalized lunch boxes. BPA free and 100% made in America, BNTO will be your best friend when stealing your neighbor's holiday leftovers. Watch the video, fall in love, and win a free one. Kapish? Very good. Each care package also comes with a Fruitcake Freaker! HOW TO ENTER: Get on Twitter and let us know how you think we should caption one of our Creepy Carl love notes! All suggestions welcome! Include the hashtag #BNTOfox for your chance to win! Winners announced in our Tuesday newsletter! Some fine examples of Creepy Carl notes: 

  It’s officially the season for gifting chaos. Are you tumbling down a black hole of confusion already? Don't worry, we're here to help.

We have 5 care packages to give away this week featuring Backsliders! Made right here in Wilmington, NC, these RFID blocking wallets are super thin and surprisingly durable! Each winner also gets a Gosling Freaker!! (Total retail value: $35) P.S. - Backsliders is in the middle of a Kickstarter campaign if you're feeling particularly frisky! HOW TO ENTER: Get on Twitter and let us know what non-essential item you keep in your wallet every day for your chance to win! Oh, use the hashtag #BackFreaker so we can find you! Winners announced in our Tuesday newsletter!

Zach has this adorably quirky aunt. She knits mismatching socks. Up until last week, everyone in the office wanted to steal Zach’s adorably quirky aunt. Here’s why that changed: Somebody else had the same idea of high-quality mismatched knit socks and capitalized on it, because this is America. Everyone rejoice. Except for Zach’s adorably quirky aunt. You snooze, you lose, lady. WHAT YOU'RE WINNING: We have 5 care packages to give away this week featuring Solmate Socks! Four of the winners will be getting those mismatched socks we were just geeking about. We also have 1 pair of mittens from Solmate that carries the same wonderfully mismatched concept. All are made in the USA. All will keep you warm. All will make your life better. FACT. Each winner also gets a Fresh Prints Freaker! HOW TO ENTER: Get on Instagram and show us how you plan on keeping warm this winter with the hashtag #SolFreaked for your chance to win one of five care packages! Winners announced in our Tuesday newsletter!

Guys. It's getting late. It's almost the season for fancy parties. Here's what that may mean for you: A.) You may have to be Bruce Willis in Die Hard. B.) You may have to rely on your date to make you look good. C.) All of the above. Probably all of the above. WHAT YOU'RE WINNING THIS WEEK: We have 9 care packages to give away this week featuring necklaces from ERS Creative and earrings from Delusions of Grandeur! We have geometrics, lions, foxes, and fancypants galore. Each winner will get a different piece, all of which are winners in themselves. Both companies handmake their jewelry in LA. Both are incredibly impressive. Both will guarantee that you look good. Damn good. (Disclaimer: if you're going for the Bruce Willis option this fancy-party season, then both will make the ladies in your life look good. Damn good.) Each care package comes with a Sherlock Homie Freaker! (Total retail value: $50-60) HOW TO ENTER: Get on Facebook, find this graphic, and leave a photo comment (or regular comment. WHATEVER.) showing us what your fancy-party spirit-animal is. You can interpret that however you want to.As always, winners will be announced in our Tuesday newsletter.  Now go forth and prosper, fancypants.

There’s more to November than just facial hair (for the kids!) and dead birds. November is the unofficial start of your winter hibernation time. For some that means curling up with a hot toddy and loved ones next to a cozy fire place. Some lock themselves in the attic with a bottle of whiskey and a good book. All stay warm and live happily ever after. Or so the story goes. WHAT YOU'RE WINNING THIS WEEK: We have 5 care packages to give away this week featuring tote bags from Out Of Print! Made in the USA, each tote is a reference to a piece of classical literature so you can proudly trick the general public into assuming that you’re a well-read individual!!!! Each care package also comes with a Fitzgerald Freaker! (Total retail value: $28) HOW TO ENTER: Show us your best literary reference on Instagram with the hashtag #ToteWrote. For example - if you like Steinbeck - smash some grapes with all of your wrath. Little Women? I know a couple of those. If you’re reading Moby Dick, just keep it to yourself. We believe you. (Winners announced in the Tuesday newsletter!)

Halloween has been happening for a full week now, with no end in sight. Nobody is quite sure why or how that happened, but very few are upset about it. Sexy dinosaurs? Into it. Sexy Legos? Sure, why not. Sexy pizza? Doesn’t count - pizza is always sexy. The week long parade of peculiar skimpys has left us confused, ashamed and ecstatic all at once. We want you to share that pain. WHAT YOU’RE WINNING THIS WEEK: We have 7 care packages to give away this week featuring the sauciness of Balm Chicky Balm Balm. With a unique “Friend End,” you’ll never have to worry about sharing cooties again! Each winner will get all 5 flavors (aptly named Flavor Orgy) and a Hooters Freaker! (total retail value: $60) HOW TO ENTER: Get on Twitter and share your oddest “sexy costume” sighting of the week with the hashtag #ChickyFreaked! Whether it be the Sexy baby (we spotted one. it was weird.), sexy file cabinet or sexy hotdog - we want to know about it and share your shame.   

It’s almost Halloween. While there’s always year-to-year trends (we’re betting on 19 Miley Cyrus costumes this time.) the classics always seem to shine through. We’re not talking about “sexy cop” classic. We’re looking at super-hero classic. The half-done capes, the smeared masks, the inflated confidence of personal strength - we love it all. There is however one factor that is seemingly underdone - the villain. There would be no superheros without super villains, so let’s have a bad-guy appreciate day. For all the baby-napping pyromaniacs in underground secret-lairs ...this one’s for you. WHAT YOU’RE WINNING THIS WEEK: We have 5 amazing prints from hometown superhero Andrea Fluty with her project Comic Relief Originals. Andrea spends approximately 3 billion hours cutting up old comic books and assembling them onto canvas. Each superhero print is made from that specific comic, from a certain time frame, and exclusively from a single artist! We have 5 different superhero prints to give away and each care package also comes with a Tiny Dancer Freaker!! (Total Retail Value: $45) HOW TO ENTER: Who are you battling in your quest to save the world? Find this graphic on Facebook and leave a picture comment showing us what your super villain looks like!

There is a jewelry and clothing brand based out of California called We Are All Smith. We've spent many sleepless nights pondering the eternal question - WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN? Is it a sly jab at the elusive Jane Does and John Smiths of the world? Are the creators obsessive Morrissey fans? Are they planning some neo-bolshevik arts and crafts revolution? Our mind was finally put at ease by good guy Google. "Our name comes from the dictionary definition of the word "Smith" n.- is defined by one who makes or effects anything: like a metalsmith, locksmith, a wordsmith, etc. In today's world, we are all "Smiths" of our own destiny. We can forge our future into any shape we choose. This idea flows through our design philosophy of past, present and future reflected in all the items we carry." Well isn't that charming. Let's celebrate their pleasantries by giving all their stuff away! HOORAY! WHAT YOU'RE WINNING THIS WEEK: We have 10 care packages this week featuring necklaces from We Are All Smith! Each winner will also get a Dirty Carl Freaker!! (total retail value: $50) HOW TO ENTER: What kind of smith are you?! Get on instagram and show us what you like to create with the hashtag #FreakerSmith for your chance to win one of ten care packages!!! Winners announced in the Tuesday newsletter!