Blog!

This week we got two interns. Mmhm, that is real life. At least two people thought it was a good idea to be our intern. We need your help in proving them wrong. We here at Freaker USA want our interns to come away from this opportunity with more experience than just shredding incriminating documents. That's why we've already given them meaningful tasks like holding our arms up so we don't get tired, brushing our accountant's hair and scaring away One Tree Hill fans that make daily pilgrimages to our office (AKA Club Tric.) But we're already running out of ideas for their productivity! And this is where you come in. WHAT YOU'RE WINING THIS WEEK: We have 5 care packages to give away this week featuring our favorite-cards-of-all-time made by Wilmington local, Tay Ham! Technically, there is a card for every occasion, but they're best used for reasserting how awesome you are. Each package comes with 4 Tay Ham cards and a MadDog Freaker! Winners announced in our Tuesday newsletter! HOW TO ENTER: Get on Facebook, find this photo, and let us know what you would make our interns do. Make it silly yet reasonable because each winner will not only get a free care package, but also a photo of the interns playing out your work-suggestion. For example, if you think the interns should wash our neighbor's El Camino… there will be photographic proof that we're listening to your input! Because …customer service > labor rights?

 The Before & After of one of our big-deal fancy-pants meetings. AKA it went well. This week we have 5 fancypants meetings all over the dang country. This type of jetsetting - the jet kind of setting rather than the boxtruck-house kind of setting - is rather new for us and there were a couple different interpretations of what "dress appropriately" could mean. 

After a long treacherous journey down Decision Road, we finally choose two interns. Were you one of the applicants that didn't "win" the position? Here are some reasons why you actually won at life in general by not getting the job:

It's been a lonely couple of weeks, but we somehow survived. Our favorite fat cat is back in stock and ready to freak! Give a warm Welcome Home to the lovely Lucille III ...but please don't tell her we called her fat. Also! If you've been entering our Freaker Friday giveaway contests, but don't know whether or not if you've won, here's a friendly tip: All of our winners are announced in our Tuesday newsletters! Are you signed up?! Join the party of champions!

Do you remember the linguistic renaissance of the late 1990s? It was a glorious moment for wordsmiths everywhere. Suddenly we were talking to the hand, our home skillets had "yo mamma" jokes for days, and the undesirables were filed under "scrubs." One of our favorite colloquialisms from the 90s has been making a comeback -"that's tight." In celebration of the all-encompassing tightness, we're giving away 6 Tight Wallets for our Freaker Friday collaboration this week. Trust me. They are all that and a bag of chips. WHAT YOU'RE WINNING: TGT (Tight) Wallets are the future of making your butt look good. We all know you're dealing with a giant bank roll, but there doesn't have to be a bump on your butt to prove it! TGT wallets are designed compact, and that makes your pants fit better! They come in a bunch of cool designs, and they are designed in Brooklyn! Each of our 6 winners will receive a TGT wallet and a Draper Freaker! HOW TO ENTER: The need for new words that express feelings, while keeping other generations in the dark, will never cease. It is a hole we need you to fill. Fire up them Twitters and use #FreakinNeologism to tell us about your contribution to the english language (or really, any language)! You don't like pens, call them Frindles. You haven't been blessed with immortality, YOLO. It's that simple people!

Our dog Pete recently wrote a best-selling self-help book that is taking the nation by storm. It's called HowTo: Not Give A Shit. Spoiler Alert: This video is the book. If you're saddened by this fact, take it up with Pete who will clearly care about your input. 

Most of us are from The South. This seemingly small detail is actually a pretttttty big deal when it comes to important issues in our national conversation. The cultural divide has been historically vicious. Entire wars have been fought over how to properly prepare tea. The Grits-Rights movement turned radical. And who can forget that military coup against Dolly Parton... but let's set aside our differences and focus on what unites us as a nation: a good sale. That's why we're celebrating the first days of autumn with a sweet-tea deal for you: For every 3 Freakers you buy, we're throwing in a free Yonderdown! (A homage to another southern specialty: "talkin' funny.") AND our water bottle deal is still in effect! So if you buy 6 Freakers, you'll get a free water bottle and 2 Yonderdowns! Yeeeeeeah buddy!

Most offices have casual Friday. Most children are rebels. As we experience new company growing pains (our legs are sprouting!) we follow the path of countless teenagers that have forged the path of brat-hood. Freaker USA has casual-everyday except for Friday, when we dress up for the red carpet of Absolutely Nothing. It's past time that you celebrate Tie-Day Fridays with us, and that's why this week we're giving away fancypants accessories for ladies and gents alike!

We're two weeks into football season, which is great news for some, a blaise "who-cares" for a few, and HORRIFYING DOWNPOUR OF DISAPPOINTMENT for the sad bunches WHOSE TEAMS ARE PLAYING LIKE WUSSIES. Whatever category you fall into will determine your excitement level when we scream about Laces Out at approximately right now: LACES OUT! GO TEAM! (Or "@#%* YOU, TEAM!" Whichever is most relevant.)

They're out on lunch break, ok? There comes a time in every company's growth where the wants and needs of the business evolve. In the early days of Freaker USA, we needed back scratches and bear hugs.  Now that we have experience under our belts, we need unpaid labor. And back scratches.  SO! We're hiring an intern! If you're a student in the Wilmington area that excels in hard work, beer Fridays, and promising not to sue us if we somehow offend you… send us your story!  If you're a student NOT in the Wilmington area and your football team has you teetering on the edge of dropping everything you stand for and moving to a faraway land for unpaid work in a weird warehouse, we're into that too. Here are some nice things you should probably mention: 

Quick Recap for all you Newbies: Every week we do a collaborative giveaway contest called Freaker Friday with the most amazing companies you've never imagined. Each week is a different contest with different prizes from a different company! At least 5 winners are announced every week in our Tuesday newsletter! Are you an artist? That question isn't limited to painters, sculptors or poets. Artistry spans all human activity. You can only cross one eye? ART. You trained your dog to do your laundry? DOUBLE ART. You can moonwalk, worm and twerk all at the same time? You, my friend, are my new favorite artist. WHAT YOU'RE WINNING: We have 6 care packages to give away this week! We're featuring the fine chaps at Denik Journals! Self proclaimed as the "raddest notebooks ever," Denik puts the work of artists from around the world on their covers and designates a percentage of their sales to social missions like building schools! Made it the USA and easy on the eyes, each care package will include 1 Denik journal and a Freaker of their choice! (total retail value: $22) HOW TO ENTER: Imagine that you are a famous artist, but you exclusively use a fake name. (Hey, Banksy. Nice to see you, Banksy.) Find this graphic on Facebook and leave a comment with what your secret artist pen-name is! Winners will be announced in our Tuesday newsletter!

Just now, in this moment, we decided to form a new club. You and you and you and you and your weirdy cousin are invited. It's going to be called the Joy Scouts Freaker Club and I promise you won't get horribly hazed. All you have to do to join the greatest newest not-secret club that was just formed is sign up for our newsletter! (Is this hazing yet?) Oh! You get a special token when you join the Joy Scouts, just like all the other clubs. It's called a Freaker. You'll like it. What's that? Don't talk back.  Even though we're inviting everybody in the world, to fit in the definition of a "club," it must have at least one exclusive thing about it. Maybe a time stamp. Okay! Good talk! Here's the plan, clubscouts: From now until Friday afternoon, if you sign up for our newsletter, you'll get a super secret code for a Free Freaker!  Limited time only! (That's what clubs do, right?) Use it before you lose it, Buster. **US only. Sorry, Charlie. OKAY LOVE YOU BYE!  -The Freakerteam (P.S. If you're reading this after the super exclusive club time stamp that we just made up - we still have good news for you. We do a collaborative giveaway with really amazing companies EVERY FRIDAY! Yes! It's such a true story! And we announce them in our newsletters! Go, go - you're time is now.)