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Guys. It's getting late. It's almost the season for fancy parties. Here's what that may mean for you: A.) You may have to be Bruce Willis in Die Hard. B.) You may have to rely on your date to make you look good. C.) All of the above. Probably all of the above. WHAT YOU'RE WINNING THIS WEEK: We have 9 care packages to give away this week featuring necklaces from ERS Creative and earrings from Delusions of Grandeur! We have geometrics, lions, foxes, and fancypants galore. Each winner will get a different piece, all of which are winners in themselves. Both companies handmake their jewelry in LA. Both are incredibly impressive. Both will guarantee that you look good. Damn good. (Disclaimer: if you're going for the Bruce Willis option this fancy-party season, then both will make the ladies in your life look good. Damn good.) Each care package comes with a Sherlock Homie Freaker! (Total retail value: $50-60) HOW TO ENTER: Get on Facebook, find this graphic, and leave a photo comment (or regular comment. WHATEVER.) showing us what your fancy-party spirit-animal is. You can interpret that however you want to.As always, winners will be announced in our Tuesday newsletter.  Now go forth and prosper, fancypants.

It's been a full week since we released our Mustache Packs full of of Mustache Celebrations ... for kids.  We've taken it upon ourselves to knight a Mustache of the Day. Here are some of the highlights. For kids. 

Yesterday there was a company decision that it was finally time to up our street cred. We've been associated with knitting circles and puppy lovers for TOO LONG and these perceived alliances have been detrimental to our toughness. In reality, we're tough. Real tough. To prove how tough we are and to gain at least 6 points in Street Cred, we did what was necessary: we conducted a non-break-in at our old office to steal back a Freaker sign. It was a stealth mission that required unlimited stealth, valor, and toughness. Here's how it went.

For most critters, winter is the season for hibernation. There is one beast that functions on the opposite schedule. He finally woke up this morning and is ready for a feast. That's right, folks - Santa is back to terrorize your cookie stash. It is widely recommended that you hand over the goods peacefully. He's been known to kiss your mom or run over your grandma as battle tactics. Give 'em what he wants or he'll take what he can get. And he wants you. He wants you now. So give a warm welcome-back to Cookie Monster!

There’s more to November than just facial hair (for the kids!) and dead birds. November is the unofficial start of your winter hibernation time. For some that means curling up with a hot toddy and loved ones next to a cozy fire place. Some lock themselves in the attic with a bottle of whiskey and a good book. All stay warm and live happily ever after. Or so the story goes. WHAT YOU'RE WINNING THIS WEEK: We have 5 care packages to give away this week featuring tote bags from Out Of Print! Made in the USA, each tote is a reference to a piece of classical literature so you can proudly trick the general public into assuming that you’re a well-read individual!!!! Each care package also comes with a Fitzgerald Freaker! (Total retail value: $28) HOW TO ENTER: Show us your best literary reference on Instagram with the hashtag #ToteWrote. For example - if you like Steinbeck - smash some grapes with all of your wrath. Little Women? I know a couple of those. If you’re reading Moby Dick, just keep it to yourself. We believe you. (Winners announced in the Tuesday newsletter!)

Dear Michael Barr,  As you know, we recently stole you from your ancestral homeland of Minnesota and threw you into the chaos of our baby company, Freaker USA. We know how tough moves can be and want to do everything in our power to make you feel welcome and appreciated at your new job with us. You are an amazing coworker, dog lover, and Diet Coke enthusiast. Your passionate hatred of Diet Pepsi has inspired a new sense of justice within every one of our cold bitter hearts and we want to thank you for that revival of spirit.  Some feelings can't be articulated with mere words, so here is our newest art installation dedicated to you, Michael Barr. 

There's a new kid on the Freaker block. His name is Benelux.  Benelux is a tricky kid, because what seems like one guy suddenly turns into three. Mmmhmm - Belgium, the Netherlands and Luxembourg were just added to the ever growing Freaker Family!  If you're in the area and can't live another day without Freakers in your life, contact our newest distributor, Made Sustained, and they'll make all of your dreams come true! 

We like almost everything. We like Freakers. We like puppies. We like facial hair. There is, however, one thing we don't like. That thing is called "sad children." Today marks the first day of "growing season" for the national Mustaches For Kids charity organization and we're introducing two Freaker packs of weirdy beardys for the cause! From now until December 6th, a portion of the proceeds from these two Freaker packs will go to our local chapter of Mustaches For Kids! The organization benefits various children's charities in the community and participants show their pride -and inherent manliness- by growing suweeeeeet mustaches for the month of November! (No fear, ladies. You can participate too!) Say hi to GalifanaKids and Carlos Danger - the stache pack for kids. And you may notice a new face in the bunch! Give a warm welcome to the newest member of our Freaker Family... Cracker Jack!

We came to a startling epiphany this weekend. This changes everything and nothing all in the same. ...EXCELLENT.

Halloween has been happening for a full week now, with no end in sight. Nobody is quite sure why or how that happened, but very few are upset about it. Sexy dinosaurs? Into it. Sexy Legos? Sure, why not. Sexy pizza? Doesn’t count - pizza is always sexy. The week long parade of peculiar skimpys has left us confused, ashamed and ecstatic all at once. We want you to share that pain. WHAT YOU’RE WINNING THIS WEEK: We have 7 care packages to give away this week featuring the sauciness of Balm Chicky Balm Balm. With a unique “Friend End,” you’ll never have to worry about sharing cooties again! Each winner will get all 5 flavors (aptly named Flavor Orgy) and a Hooters Freaker! (total retail value: $60) HOW TO ENTER: Get on Twitter and share your oddest “sexy costume” sighting of the week with the hashtag #ChickyFreaked! Whether it be the Sexy baby (we spotted one. it was weird.), sexy file cabinet or sexy hotdog - we want to know about it and share your shame.   

George Michael Bluth once said that breakfast is the most important thing that you eat. We took this wisdom to heart and partnered up with a hometown favorite for the newest design in our internet-only Lulz Line! Give a warm welcome to the newest addition to the Freaker Family - Dixie Grill!! This little booger is available online or if you find yourself in the area, go grab one at the namesake itself - The Dixie Grill at 116 Market St, Wilmington, NC! OM NOM NOM NOM!

Earlier today, our Quickbooks ceased to work. On any other day, this would have been a problem officially known as "not mine," but today is payday. Suddenly an accounting problem was everyone's problem. We started to become seriously concerned about an employee uprising. I don't mean the fun kind of uprising with brass bands & weird hairdos. I mean like 18th century agrarian business uprising.   Don't worry. It was well documented: