Blog!

We're smack-dab in the middle of a stifling heat wave. Here are our top 5 tips on how to stay chilly when you find yourself inside of a volcano: 5. Take an exotic 2 week vacation inside of an air-conditioned Ikea. 4. Become a shapeshifting warg and become a penguin in the Arctic (I'm looking at you, Bran Stark.) 3. Quit your day job & start a members-only kiddy-pool appreciation-club. 2. Learn the art of seductive winking and practice on a refrigeration's company employees. 1. Stay fresh to stay cool. Ladies & gentlemen, give a warm welcome to our latest Freaker re-release... Fresh Prints!

With the recent cultural awakening of #DadBod fandom, fathers everywhere should be feeling pretty good about 2015. You're a hot commodity right now, Pops! DILFs for all! Father's Day is right around the corner, and it's probably high-time you jump on the "your body is a thunderland" bandwagon, if only to make Papabear feel special. As luck would have it, we have the perfect DadBod Medal Of Honor for you. For a limited time only (6/9 - 6/17), Dad Freakers are 40% off! Use code DadBod at checkout!

Once upon a time in an enchanted land called "1999," Beyonce was on the cutting edge of technology. "You make me wanna throw my pager out the window // I wanna put your number on the call block, have AOL make my emails stop // Its not hot that you be callin me, stressin me pagin my beeper" Sixteen short years later, it looks like all of her beeping problems have solved themselves. Undoubtedly, her beeping problems were her only problems and now instead of yelling about Bug A Boos, we should all take a moment to Hug A Boo. Ladies and gentlemen, give a warm welcome to the newest member of the Freaker Family... Hug-A-Boo!

Humans have a special talent of finding connections with inanimate objects. Once upon a time, I knew a girl who was best friends with a toaster oven. That may be an extreme case, but nobody is immune. Did you have a childhood teddy bear? What's your lucky charm? Ever seen a dude fall in love with a motorcycle? The struggle is real. Today, we're celebrating this quirk of human nature with a Freaker that we 100% feel an intimate connection to. For the lulz. Ladies and gentlemen, give a warm Welcome Back to an old favorite... Pizza Cat!

Today in the age-old "pirates vs ninjas" debate, we chose pirates. Why? Not just because of the history of pirate lockdowns in coastal North Carolina (here's lookin' at you, Blackbeard.) No. We choose pirates for freedom. Pirates looked at the rule book and said "Nah." They saw a map and said "Nah." Pirates looked at the English language and said "Arrr, shiver me timbers, let's make our own speak. Savvy?" There's even an International Talk Like A Pirate Day in celebration of doing what you want, when you want, and how you want. And for that, it's a pirates life for me. Ladies and gentlemen, give a warm welcome to an update on one of our favorite Freakers... Big Booty!

There are so many ways to try and get to know a stranger. Where are you from? What's your sign? What do you do for money? Your spirit animal? Everytime somebody pops the question, we have an automated response. Spirit animal? Easy. An alpaca. Smoking a cigarette. With laser eyes. Staring at a girlbutt. Alpacass. Of course. Ladies and gentlemen, give a warm re-introduction to one of our long-lost favorite Freakers... Alpacass!

Public service announcement: Mother's Day is right around the corner! Don't forget, little birds! (YoMama jokes coming soon.) Public service announcement #2: Godmothers exist too, and godmothers are undebatably awesome. What's a godmother? It's more tender than you might think. Someone to look out for you. Someone who's got your back. Someone with a cool-ass ballgown. A protector. A friend. A cherry blossom Freaker. Give a warm welcome to the newest member of the Freaker Family... Cherry Godmother!

Everybody has their preferred method of unwinding. There are unlimited cures for another-brick-in-the-wall blues, and all of them have their merits. One of the oldest, most tried and true, ways to get out of a funk is to escape into nature. Slap the Gone Fishin' sign on your door and float around in the water for a bit. Ladies and gentlemen, it's time to venture to the dark side of the lagoon. Give a warm welcome to the newest member of the Freaker Family... Fish You Were Here!

It's prime season for exploring this big wild world of ours, but it's of the upmost importance that you pack the essentials. Whether you're climbing a mountain peak for the bragging rights, on holiday from university (lookin' at you, non-America), or simply getting lost in the woods because you can, here is your official license to Adventure Time. Ladies and gentlemen, give a warm welcome to the newest member of the Freaker Family... Packstreet Boys!

Spring has sprung and everything is falling into its right place. The sun is out, the birds are chirping, and your pants say it all: you's a hustling all-star that knows how and when to relax in style. Kick your feet up and give yourself a high-five for surviving the winter like a boss. You're unstoppable. Nothing can stop you. NOTHING. Too legit to knit? We've got your back. Ladies and gentlemen, give a warm welcome to the newest member of the Freaker Family... Pelican't Touch This!

The age of the strange-bird dictator is arguably over (sorry Mugabe) but some legends will live forever. Today we want to celebrate the mystical life of one of recent history's darkest fairytales - one Supreme Leader to rule them all. Let's recap: -He invented the hamburger, drank $700,000 worth of cognac a year, and could control the weather with his mood. -He was born under a double rainbow and allegedly didn't use toilets. (Not beause he found a better way, but simply because Kim Jong Il allegedly didn't defecate.) -The first (and only) time he ever golfed, he hit 11 hole-in-ones and then immediately retired, breaking all world records by a longshot. -He loved platform shoes and deporting short people from the capital. -Remember that time he kidnapped 2 South Korean filmmakers and forced them to remake Godzilla into a North Korean propaganda monster movie? Aahhh, the good ol' days. Ladies and gentlemen, give a warm welcome to the newest member of the Freaker Family... Kim Jong Illest!

Spring is here, the birds and the bees are buzz buzz buzzing around, and wedding season is coming on strong! Whether you're tying a knot, tying THE knot, or simply crashing a party, you should come prepared to freak your partner in wine. Oh! And if you're interested in wedding / special-event pricing, give us a holler at support@freakerusa.com and somebody will ring your bell shortly! Ladies and gentlemen, give a warm welcome to the most romancy (or "romantic" ...whatever.) members of the Freaker Family... Bonnie & Clyde!