Blog!

Hey, UNCW! All of your freakdreams just came true!  Two brand spankin' new Seahawk designs just landed on your internet desk. We made sure to include the classic Seahawk and your new logo in hopes of eliminating the inevitable "Kerr vs. Kerr" squabble. Enjoy! 

It's St. Patty's Day AND spring break. Do you know what that means? Wild Irish Rose, y'all. The weather is finally beautiful and the ghouls are out to play. We're down to get down, so it's only fitting that we give the world a rapping Bigfoot to assist in your springtime rowdiness. Straight outta Campton, crazy motherfreaker named Bigfoot, from the gang called Yetiz with Attitude. Ladies and gentlemen, give a warm welcome to the newest member of the Freaker Family... Straight Outta Campton!

“I consider myself a court jester-motivator.” - Richard Simmons Even though it's still technically winter, we've officially entered that weird transitional season when you start hearing the words "get your summer body ready" in unexpected places. Oof. This season you're probably going to get peer pressured into group pilates, the cross fit pit, cycling on a fake bike machine in a dark room with candles and Enya (or whatever kids are doing these days) and there's not much you can do to stop it. Beauty is pain? Yeah, well, at least have some fun with it. Cycle down to boogy town and evoke the essence of workout heroes of days past. Ladies and gentlemen, give a warm welcome to the latest out-of-retirement member of the Freaker Family... Aztechno!

Dear Mama, A wise sensei once said "I didn't choose the Tug Life, the Tug Life chose me." Today we honor the nautical explorers, heroes and bandits who have sailed the high seas so everyone else can live vicariously through the adventures. Whether you're hailing Mary or sailing the Queen Mary (Motherboy, anyone?) everybody needs an anchor to hold down their proverbial fort. Ladies and gentlemen, give a warm welcome to the newest member of the Freaker Family... Tug Life!

Lovingly stolen from Christa Punch! This may or may not explain the fuzzy origins of Edge of Urge's 14 year old shop-dog, #PartyGirlWendell.

GUYS. It's snowing at the beach today. Are you dreaming of spring yet? Whether you're in school or not, we'd like to extend an honorary Spring Break to you. The first round of our officially licensed Collegiate Freakers is here!!! If you don't see your school, hold on to your hate mail. More are coming this summer! Pinky promise. Ladies and gentlemen, give a warm welcome to the first batch of collegiate Freakers... Team Spirit!

We do not live in a boring world. Nobody represents the unpredictable quirkiness of life on earth quite like Shaquille O'Neel. All basketball accomplishments aside, Shaq Diesel is an extraordinary creature. Have you Googled his nicknames recently? Remember his rapping genie movie Kazaam? What about the time SAG fined him for crossing the picket-line to get into Disneyland? This moment. Or that time he spent 2 full minutes rapping insults about Kobe Bryant? What about all of those weird photo-ops with tiny pandas and baby seals? Or the Aaron Carter music video "How I Beat Shaq" from 2005? Shaqtin' a fool. Shaq is an American Lucid Dream full of strange turns and endless giggles. He probably DOES eat his bananas with chopsticks, and for that he has earned our eternal R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Ladies and gentlemen, give a warm welcome to the newest member of the Freaker Family... Shaquille O'Peel!

Last week we released Love Glove for the heart-loving, sweet-talking, cheerful optimists. We here at Freaker USA believe in equal opportunity though, so today we're pampering the cynics. You know who you are. You've declared war on mid-February. Your official Valentine's date is Charles Bukowski. You're going to Rascal Town. In a tub of whiskey. To watch Die Hard marathons. And it's going to be awesome. This one is for you, tiger. It's a big heart pooping little hearts. True romance, y'all. Ladies and gentlemen, give a warm welcome to the newest member of the Freaker Family... Love Stinks!

Did you know that Valentines Day is only a couple weeks away? Don't find yourself in the doghouse (unless you're into that kind of thing) this year. Is there any better way to show your love and appreciation with a sweet cheers, cold drink and warm hands? Spoiler alert: No. No there is not. Ladies and gentlemen, give a warm welcome to the newest re-released member of the Freaker Family... Love Glove!   Tweet: WOO!

It's that time of the year where everybody complains about the weather. It's been raining, snowing, drizzy drake-ing, but we're taking a stand against grumbling about things beyond our control. Spring is right around the corner. Do you know what that means? It means slip n' slides. It means joy parades. Lemonade stands. Tire swings. Most importantly, it means Zoolander gas-station hose fights, and we're here to give you a head start. (Disclaimer: We've replaced all male models with alligators. Enjoy!) Ladies and gentlemen, give a warm welcome to the newest member of the Freaker Family... Irrigator!

At last, the wait is over. The great dignified state of Iowa has finally been knighted with it's own Freaker. The great dignified company Freaker USA will finally stop getting hate mail from Iowans. Oh, happy day. Ladies & Gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to the newest member of the Freaker Family... Corndawg!    

PSSSH! Hey! You! Foghorn & Sherlock Homie are back in stock just in time to be stocking stuffed! #StockMarket