Blog!

Did you come see us at Cali Roots this last weekend? Were you a little muddy, a little wobbly, a little nutty? Have you since written us in distraught when you didn't get enough Freakers because you were a little too muddy, wobbly, nutty? It's okay! We understand!  We have both the Ja Bless Ja Rule beardy boy and the guitar sunrise leftover from the weekend. The Cali Roots Freakers are now online for your wobbly pleasure!

One Christmas Sweater to cream them all by Shredder's Apparel! What's destroying the youth of America today? Rap music and video games? Oh. Booooooring. We've been using that excuse for over 20 years. That argument is older than Justin Bieber. Older than the tv show "Friends." IT'S OLDER THAN THE WORLD WIDE WEB. If we had followed the dictates of Wu Tang, we would all be chugging heavy cream and recreationally wearing neck braces for added protection. And video games? Well. A wise sensei named The Internet once said "If Pac-Man had effected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching on magic pills and listening to repeditive electronic music." Chew on that, naysayers. Ladies & Gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to the newest member of the Freaker Family... Ghost-Face!!

Our friends at Sun King Brewing sent us a care package. Let me confirm: when a brewery sends you a package, yes, it IS full of beer. The Sun King package puts one more reason on the list of why craft breweries are actually angels. ANGELS. Thanks, friends!! If you want to freak your brewery, we're here for moral support. Really. Just let it out. Come to papa. We love you.

  Once upon a time Petey Pablo put North Carolina on the pop culture map by telling everybody to take off their shirts, because "North Carolina." Instead of questioning that logic, the masses did exactly what he told them to. Because North Carolina. But North Carolina is more than just shirtless helicopter parties in a parking lot. North Carolina is where where people fight over the definition of "BBQ," where the sweetest tea, the sweetest treats, Blackbeard, moonshine, biscuits, BISCUITS, (speaking of biscuits, Fred Durst is from NC), Bat Cave, Wagon Wheel, first in flight (calm down, Ohio, this isn't about you), weirdly divisive shades of blue, venus fly traps, Merge Records and hurricane parties happen. North Carolina is where Freakers happen. I mean come on. We made Michael Jordan AND Cheerwine, y'all. Raise up. Ladies & Gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to the newest member of the Freaker Family... Cackalacky!!

Goldfish, man. When was the last time you saw a goldfish that wasn't in a zip-lock bag at the state fair? Or being objectified as a cracker in the snack aisle? Or swimming in a tiny circle around its prison of a canning jar over and over and over again while it's cries for help fall on deaf ears because nobody has taken the time to learn the intricate indigenous language. In the ocean, the age of “I’m gonna eat you” consent is just past caviar. Goldfish have it tough, and we’re here to help. For every Freaker you buy this week, we’ll chant Si Swim Puerde three times. For freedom. Ladies & Gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to the newest member of the Freaker Family... Jail Bait!

Everybody has heroes. A select few are lucky enough to someday meet their heroes. A select few of those select few get to know their heroes. Then there are the select few of the select few of the select few that legally own their heroes. Hopefully, I'm the only one. Mister Pete is the pinnacle of puppy perfection. He is the hall monitor, the hot cop, the one who fearlessly says "Donut Do That." He is briefed on all executive decisions before they're put into action. This company was built on the sweat, fur and wonk of Mister Pete's side eyes. Today is National Dog Day. Everything we do, we do it for you, Mister Pete. Ladies & Gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to the newest member of the Freaker Family... Mister Pete!

The babes are back in town! Restocked and ready to freak, give a warm welcome-back to Main St, Lumbersmack and Forget Me Now!

Remember going to kindergarten with no teeth? The situation was made somehow less-awful by a mythical pixie that left candy under your pillow. There are a handful of pleasant little fairies that were part of childhood (fairy princesses, fairy godmothers, Ru Paul), but tooth fairy is the most inexplicable. Out of all the magical powers a fairy can choose, what kind of creep wants to steal mouth-bones* from sleeping children? Today that mystery has been solved. The tooth fairy is no wood sprite. It's a screwball wonky walrus. After all those years, you can finally sleep well tonight. You're welcome. Ladies & Gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to the newest member of the Freaker Family... Tooth Fairy!

This is about to get a little cheesey, but we think you're really grate. We're milking our time with you here, because we feel bleu when you're not around. We would brie nothing without you! When you say something so gouda it makes us icescream out loud with laughter, we can never tell cow you can come up with cheese kinds of things! Nobody is cheddar than you are, you sharp munster of love. Just in queso we don't get another chance, we've made this special present just for you. Ladies & Gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to the newest member of the Freaker Family... Udder Lee!

There are some obsessive points in American pop culture that nobody can quite explain. An unhealthy fixation on Nicholas Cage's career? The entire state of Florida? Troll dolls? Dennis Rodman?! Rationalize that to an outsider, I dare you. Dedicating an entire week in the middle of summer to cheering-on giant, swimming-teeth that want to eat you? Shark Week is psychotic. And awesome. And it's almost here.Dedicating an entire week in the middle of summer to cheering-on giant, swimming-teeth that want to eat you? Shark Week is psychotic. And awesome. And it's almost here. Prepare yourself this year with a Shark. In a tube. On a Freaker. Ladies & Gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to the newest member of the Freaker Family... Shark Tube! (A special thanks goes out to our friends at Nordstrom who special requested "one shark to rule them all." If you want to find a Shark Tube in your neighborhood, these locations are the first to carry them!)

In order to stay alive, we all have to drink liquids. This is not up for debate. The only thing left to figure out is how to stay hydrated, which can be difficult if you chronically lose your bottles. Instead of withering up and dying, why don't you just get a drinking vessel that is so awesome that it's impossible to lose?! We care about your health and are here to help! Ladies & gentlemen, give a warm welcome-back to Cuppow Packs! Cuppows are the original canning-jar adaptors that turn your jars into travel mugs! Plus, they're BPA free, made in America, reusable, sustainable, the whole kit & caboodle. Each Cuppow pack comes with a canning jar, a Cuppow, a Freaker, and a little extra surprise (*wink*)!

Ladies and gentlemen - Congratulations. You made it. You are smack-dab in the middle of summer. Is it everything you've ever dreamed of? Just like a fabled midsummer's night dream? Maybe that's just a Shakespeare thing. Picnics everyday!? Maybe that's just a special-occasion thing. Beer in your moonshine!? I hope that's just a Southern thing. If there's one thing that's universally definitive of summer, it's a good roadtrip. Windows? Down. Tea? Iced. Route? 66. Game on, kiddos. Give a warm welcome to the newest member of our Freaker family... Main Street!