Blog!

Everyone self-medicates in some form. You like beer? Hm? KNEW IT. You don't drink the boozies? Okay. Do you like coffee? NAILED IT. Does exercise calm you down? STILL COUNTS, BUBBA. Instead of falling into shameful taboos, let's embrace self-medication. After all, everyone makes huge mistakes. Ladies and gentlemen, give a warm welcome to the newest member of the Freaker family.. Forget Me Now!

Rappers have a lot of things figured out that the rest of the world hasn’t caught up to yet. For example, the art of screaming your own name before everything you do is something that only rappers and Steve Holt (STEVE HOLT!) have mastered gracefully. The letter “z” was once under-appreciated. The term “YOLO” was once unheard of. Evolving somebody else’s creations into your own? Sure, everyone does it - but splicing up old popular songs into rap beats takes “inspiration” to a new level. On that note, we’re learning from the classics over here. This one is dedicated to the mack-talkers and pimp-walkers that have made pop culture a more enchanting place.Give a warm welcome to the newest member of the Freaker family… 1 CHAINZ!

Spring is here springs is here yay yay yay yay! Why should your excitement level be out of control?! Spring isn't just bring pretty flowers and warm rain. Spring is the start to Adventure Season. Explore the caverns! Swing the ropes! Search for pirate treasure! Let your inner Goonie run wild!Ladies and gentlemen, give a warm welcome to the newest member of the Freaker family... Goonie!

It's cold. It's really cold. Being southerners, we don't know how to deal with the cold. Our only defense from winter is bourbon and imagination. Consider this a formal invitation to hide away in an alternative universe with us until the southern ice-age passes. It's a fantasy world of adventure and mishap. Of mythical creatures and beverage insulators. A fantasy world where YOU asked for a glitter unicorn Freaker and dreams came true.That's right folks. The general public asked for a glitter unicorn. If it fails, we're blaming democracy. How's that for a utopian society? Ladies and gentlemen, give a warm welcome to the newest member of the Freaker family... Unicorn On The Cob! Complete with metallic glitter yarns!

Are you nominally good looking? Sure, why not. Do you take endless selfies as a effort to make the world a more bearable place to live in? The eternal art of your face through the lens of a smartphone canvas? Your humanitarian contribution. Your glamourshots. Your selfies. Your duckface. We're here to celebrate your... artwork. Ladies and gentlemen, give a warm welcome to the newest member of the Freaker family... Duckface!

Alright, chirpies. We’re dropping a motherload from the mothership in the motherland on you today. Welcome to the family, 5 new Freaker friends!:

Me, you, Pharrell and NEW FREAKER ALERT: Sans Sheriff!! Have you seen Pharrell's silly hat? Of course you've seen Pharrell's silly hat. Have you analyzed how his silly hat wasn't actually silly at all because "Pharrell's sartorial choices are protected by legitimate cultural references." Of course not. Nobody cares about social commentary when it comes to silly hats. They just want to celebrate the silliness of silly hats. With that, we've officially joined the silly hat celebrations. Ladies and gentlemen, give a warm welcome to the newest Freaker in the family.... Sans Sheriff!!!

Were you denied your deserved Blue Blood when Bloomingdales sold out of it's online stock? Did you feel the true depths of depravity? "THERE IS NO JUSTICE," you yelled from your ivory tower. Every time your team lost a game, you undeniably traced the evidence back to Bloomingdales.com and their lack of Blue Blood Freakers. You were living in the dark ages. Maybe you still are.  There is hope, my friend. Bloomingdales has a Super Bowl pop-up shop on 59th street in Manhattan right now. They have your coveted Blue Bloods for sale. For you. Just for you. Now go forth and prosper, young buck. 

Once upon a time in a land 20 years away, there lived a magical creature named 1996. Her pets were digital, her fashion was clueless, her music was Will Smithy. She was a perfect woman until one day she finally took Prince’s advice. She partied like it was 1999, and never looked back. Today we remember her in all of her former glory and pay respects to her golden days. Ladies and gentlemen, give a warm welcome to the newest member of the Freaker family… Furbie Spice!

How is your Wednesday going? Bleak? Desolate? Full of despair and longing? Yep, classic case of the Wednesdays. Lucky for you, I'm a doctor. I hereby prescribe you glitter. We got new yarns! They are metallic! And everything was right in the world! BAAHHH-LINGGG!!!! Ladies and Gentlement, please give a warm welcome to the newest member of the Freaker Family... TWINKLE TOES!

Remember all those holidays where your great-aunts, coworkers, and estranged lovers alike all tried to pass off fruitcake as a thoughtful gift? THEY FAILED and you know it. They know it. Everyone knows how hard they failed at being thoughtful. So this year, we want to give you ammunition to fight back on their supposed consideration with a Fruitcake all of your own. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome the newest design to the Freaker Family… Fruitcake! You win. You’re welcome.  

For most critters, winter is the season for hibernation. There is one beast that functions on the opposite schedule. He finally woke up this morning and is ready for a feast. That's right, folks - Santa is back to terrorize your cookie stash. It is widely recommended that you hand over the goods peacefully. He's been known to kiss your mom or run over your grandma as battle tactics. Give 'em what he wants or he'll take what he can get. And he wants you. He wants you now. So give a warm welcome-back to Cookie Monster!