Blog!

You know that consolation proverb for the love sick, "there are other fish in the sea?" Well, you've been living a lie. Last year this little babe was made as a sample of a design. We decided not to run it in production, therefore there is only one in existence! (Gentlemen, please calm down, she is spoken for.) So here's my question for you: Should we clone her? With science!? The future of scantily clad women on Freakers depends on you!

We have another new Freaker video to philosophipherphize on you and remind you of the true meaning of life. Spoiler alert: It's burritos. This little clip is actually an accurate glimpse of what life is like when you live in our warehouse 6 days a week. So on that note, welcome to our humble abode. Please, make yourself comfortable. And then fetch me a burrito.

December snuck up on us like a knit ninja. You only barely glimpse that Christmas stealth, adorned in red and green bling, climbing down your chimney, eating all of your rice cookies, kissin' your mama. This is the face of holiday terror. So here is our friendly Freaker shopping-sword: All domestic orders made by December 19th will make it to your doorstep before Christmas!** **All packages are shipped within 24 hours of your order. Once they are out of our hands, it is the responsibility of USPS to do their job correctly and they have stated that all packages shipped before this date are in the clear. :) **

Where were you the first time you saw that perplexing Brad Pitt commercial? Did it penetrate your life bubble? Did it frolic it's way into your heart? Did it put your emotions in a microwave oven? Yes. I know. We understand you. That's why we're here to guide you. Just like Brad Pitt guided us on our journey. Wait. No. It's not a journey. DAMNIT.

The ringleader and the blacksmith are weirdy beardy. Bruce Willis is skeptical of this. There's a whole slew of cultural sayings that pertain to old habits, but very few of them were actually said by Bruce Willis. So I want you to imagine Bruce Willis is your grandmother, telling you catchy bits of wisdom like "can't teach an old dog new tricks. PUPPIES 4EVA!" and "have a cake, eat it too, pass the fork. I understand nothing." Today in Freakerville, Bruce Willis is our collective grandmother, here to expose our repetitive tendencies.

In celebration of Cyber Monday, we want to Cyber YOU with our new holiday commercial! Freak everything! Freak everybody! A/S/L? (Also! We are extending our Black Friday specials for today only! For every six Freakers you buy, we're throwing in all three of our holiday styles fo' free! Put on your joy-hats! Freak the halls!)

Black Freakday: For every 6 Freakers you buy, you'll get all 3 holiday designs for free! I get it. You just waited in line for 14 hours for the new Tickle-Me-Elmo to no avail. I feel your pain. To express our deepest condolences, we want to tickle your elmo with the one gift for your entire family/friend gift circuit! Math class for Tiny Tim! Buy 6, get 3 holiday freakers! Buy 12, get 6, Buy all of them, get a lot of them! IT'S SCIENCE! As an added bonus: we won't make you wait in line for 14 hours in the snow! Grandparents, baby boogers, co-workers, that weirdy wino you know you're related to but can never remember his name... Freak everything, freak everybody! Stock up on some freebies while you're at it! One holiday season to freak them all!

The holidaze are quickly approaching and the countdown to Black Friday is in the less-than-48-hour mark. What will happen?! Who will be freaked?! How will they be freaked?! One holiday season to freak them all!!  We made this video for you as a sneak preview of our upcoming holiday commercial! Beware: A behind-the-scenes has never been so colorful. In all the right ways.

Look at that mess. That is our office. How did it get to be such a mess? Ah, let's break it down.

There comes a time in every man's life when you simply can't fit any more gold shit in your beard. Yesterday we had to give our condolences to Zach Crain for the death of his Gold-Shit-Beard Youth. There are two options at this point: write a eulogy that would make our eyes leak OR celebrate all the things you can do once you hit the point of no GoldShitBeard return. Celebration it is.

Santa is not your dad. Santa is an octopus. Unless you are a baby octopus, you have been living a lie. When did mid-November get here? The widely accepted answer involves something to do with a space-time continuum, but the real answer is "two days ago when we started filming our Christmas commercial." Here's the behind the scenes look at what it feels like to have your office turn into a Holiday Bling Wonderland!

My initial reaction was to quote a Coldplay song, but then I told myself "Don't Panic." Cucalorus has officially launched into space! Some freakfest highlights: Last night Zach was the opening wizard for Visual Soundwalls, the music video showcase segment of our community's International Film Festival. Wands, beards, and PBR onesies would give the impression that he had changed clothes in the past 24 hours, but alas, there is photographic evidence suggesting the contrary.