Blog!

We hail from a rustic place of grace, North Carolina. We employ a blacksmith to hand forge all of our Freaker displays. His name is Jeff and he is a fantastic man. Recently, Jeff decided to drink a bottle of bad moonshine in the woods and ended up in the hospital. (Don't lose too much sleep, he's fine.) THIS IS THE MOST SOUTHERN $#&% I'VE EVER HEARD. So in celebration, this Freaker Friday is going to be about Southern Spirits (and making fun of how doofy Jeff looked in high school.) Keep reading to see how to enter to win 2 Freakers & a world-class Mason-Shaker - All made in the USA!!!

In the grand ol' days of 2012, we ran a series that exposed the severe psychological disorders of all of our friends. Incidentally enough, they were are graced with the same malady: Dissociative Identity Disorder, more commonly known as "Multiple Personality Syndrome."  A lot of people use the word "suffer" when describing how people function with abnormal tendencies.  We prefer more scenic semantics. Our friends do not suffer from Multiple Personality Syndrome, they wallow in it. So let us all band together and rejoice for the return of hysteria. HUZZAH!! Without further ado, let's pick on Blair!

Do you love your phone? Does it stand by your side at all hours of the day and night? Do you tenderly whisper sweet nothings into it's robotic directional services? You live in 2013, so these are rhetorical questions. Of course you do. We love your phone too! That's why we've designed these special Freaker wallpapers for you and your beloved robots! CLICK HERE for the best free download of your entire day. SAUCY! And now for the winners of last week's Freaker Friday!!...

Good Monday, my little joy ducklings! All Mondays are Good Mondays (as opposed to Fridays, where the secretive coalition of weekdays choose a "winner" in the "good" catagory.) but this Monday is Extra Good Monday as we are ecstatic to announce the newest product hailing from Freaker USA. We've been developing this idea for some time now, and everything has fallen into it's right place. Ladies and Gentlemen, it is with great honor that I am finally introducing you to ... Spreaklers!!! (Freakers is an acronym for SPRAY ON FREAKERS. Duh!) Do you have pesky friends that snatch your Freaker stash? Did a suspiciously pretty girl at a bar con you into handing over your favorite one? Are you and your Freaker the subject of jealousy, lust, and thievery?! Say goodbye to inward animosity and reluctantly moist handshakes! The Spreakler is for you! That's right, folks! Just push a button, and you're freaked! The future is here, let us rejoice! If you love the original Freaker, you'll love the Spray On Freaker!  -Some guy on Twitter UPDATE: As of April 1st, exactly 69 seconds after the official Spreakler launch, we've already sold out! Ooooh buddy! Supply & demand is a Jerkface Killah!

We've been feeling particularly saucy (this is a "gangster" word for "frisky") this week with the release of our newest Freaker, AutoToon. Due to this unexpected surge of swagger, we decided to spread the love (SWAG.) to you (Swagerlings.) This week in our Freaker Friday Giveaway, we've partnered up with the fine chaps at Good Worth & Co! We have 5 customizable keys that fit all Kwickset K1 locks so that your keyring will be fresher than LMFAOnade. Stacks on stacks, keys on keys, this is that trippy shift, mane. (Disclaimer: I don't actually know what any of this means. I'm new to this game.) Keep reading to see how to enter!

Bonjour, western world that's not America! Have you been in desperate need of a good Freaking lately, but shipping costs have got you down? Well, we've got the best breaking news of your day.  Freakers are on Fab Europe right now!! The flash sale site gives us only a couple context clues that they are European, such as: -"TEPID COLA." -"COSIES." That's about it. All other linguistic clues lead us mysteriously to the Jersey Shore.

I know you. I understand your hopes and dreams. I get it. And trust me, I had childhood aspirations of becoming a rapper also, but we shared the same logistical obstacles, you and I. Our operatic voices were simply too angelic to convey the right amount of "baller." And then T-Pain (And Cher. FACT.) came along and gave us all the humanitarian tool of Auto-Tune. Rejoice! In a rightful celebration of T-Pain's (And Cher's. Never forget Cher.) gift to humanity, we're releasing AutoToon today! Move aside, Peter Frampton. There's a new tribe of audio processing in town. And now for the winners of Freaker Friday....

Freakerville recently had the pleasure and the honor of getting a drop-in from the Chop himself. If you are not in the Wilmington area, then you may have never heard of Chop's Deli. I'd go so far as to say that if you are not in the Wilmington area, then chances are that you have never eaten a real sandwich.

Late-night television is never a good place for little babies. The other night, Puffy, one of our babiest Freakers, snuck into the TV room after bedtime. His little mind was exposed to a classic 1992 drama about a man rejected by his parents, and raised by a flock of penguins. Puffy now believes he is “The Penguin” from Batman Returns and has set his sights on taking over Gotham City (Freakerville). Now, choose your own adventure: Tell us how Zach and the Freakerteam are going to Rise and restore order to the Universe (Freakerville.) What you're winning this week: We have 3 phenomenal products from WoodThumb - all made in the USA from reclaimed wood around the San Francisco region. There is a wooden tie ($40), a wooden bowtie ($36), and a wooden 6pack ($42)! Each care package will come with a Puffy & a Clyde Freaker, because... swank!  How to enter: Go to our Facebook page, find the Freaker Friday photo, and let us know how Zach should fulfill his new duties as Neo-Batman against the chaos of a nefarious knit penguin. 

In the past week, we've developed a new incurable fixation: Senior Portraits. Before you report us to your local neighborhood watch, I should probably clarify that this obsession is the opposite of creepy and I promise that in the next 2.3 minutes, you will share our enthusiasm. Without further ado, I present you with... this:

So here's something. A while ago UNCW asked us to give a lecture on March 20th (that's today! hooray!) for Business Week, but we just remembered... yesterday. The go-to plan was to just take off my pants and open it up for questions. DON'T BE AFRAID TO MAKE MISTAKES. *Mic Drop* We've since had hints that this is not socially acceptable. So. Our Business Week "lecture" today is going to be comprised of a lot of Q&A. If you're coming but don't know what to ask us, here is a children's treasury of possible and encouraged discussion topics:

It's that time (one of many, evidently) of year where chocolate and bunnies run rampant. Here are some budgeting tips from yours truly: 1. Instead of marshmellow chickens, you should buy Freakers for the curious kiddies because knit bottle insulators don't give you cavities! Less trips to the dentist office = more love from your children. … We only had one tip. *Mic Drop* And now for the winners of last week's Freaker Friday: